


Home Sweet Home

by DarkPhoenixGoddess10



Category: Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:07:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 36,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25060612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkPhoenixGoddess10/pseuds/DarkPhoenixGoddess10
Summary: Nicole was a daughter of a well-respected attorney in LA. Her dream was to be a supermodel. Never did she ever imagine that the man she ended up with is none other than Nikki Sixx, the bassist of the most notorious band Motley Crue.
Relationships: Nikki Sixx/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 65
Kudos: 25





	1. Too young to fall in Love

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is purely fiction based on the film "The Dirt".

_Life sucks. And what should you do if you were born in the wrong time? You make it yours._

Nicole had heard this phrase from somewhere, or maybe she read it. Regardless, it had an impact on her. Unlike her father, a well-respected attorney in LA with lines of famous clients, Nicole had no interest in academic achievements. All she wanted was to be a model. Every morning, she looked at herself in the mirror and she knew she's beautiful. The thirty minutes of skin care and makeup in the morning were her thirty minutes in heaven. Cameras loved her and she loved cameras. Since she was thirteen, she did a photoshoot for her birthday. The results were magnificent, at least to her and to her friends from a prestigious all-girl private school. Confident in her beauty, Nicole was very insistent in pursuing a modeling career instead of applying to Ivy Leagues.

Her father had warned her about the danger and complexity of the modeling world, but he couldn't change her mind. Nicole was just that stubborn and determined. It wasn't that she just wanted to be a model; she wanted to be independent and live on her own. 

Featuring on magazine covers and moving out of the house she lived with her father - that's what she wanted for a girl at age of eighteen who never worked for money. 

After much begging and bickering, her father gave in. He had her settled in a luxurious apartment and made some calls. Next thing she knew, she was working with a modeling agency. And the best part? Everyone is so nice. From time to time, she was agitated about posing nude. To her pleasant surprise, the photographers and the agency never pressurized her. In fact, they constantly told her "you don't have to if you are not comfortable". Some of her photos did feature in magazines, which made her smile. Only, she wished that her photos could end up on the covers, like the ones of Kate Moss. 

She did talk to the agency and to the photographers on how to make it happen. They gave her a long explanation about the competition in the market and assured that her that she is doing just fine. In fact, they added, hardly any model fresh in the industry can achieve what she had. Time and patience, they said, are the most important.

"Keep on working," her photographer Dave told her. "You'll never know - just one picture. _One_. And you'll be the next Kate Moss."

Believing them, Nicole nodded and thanked them for their support.

_Life sucks. And what should you do if you were born in the wrong time? You make it yours._

And did she?

From her perspective, she did. 

* * *

Just one picture.

One shoot.

One click of the camera - and she'll be the next Kate Moss.

Nicole looked over her photos in the magazines and wondered had anyone even paid attention to them. She looked at the pictures of Kate moss and wondered exactly what's the difference between them? Actually the answer was pretty obvious.

Kate Moss barely wore anything other than her underwear. 

But then again, she was always told that she didn't have to take off her clothes if she didn't want to.

Thinking over and over again, Nicole concluded it's all about timing and the right opportunity.

She threw the magazine aside to take a hot shower when the phone rang.

"Hi Nicole, it's Dave, your favorite photographer!"

"Hey Dave, what's up?"

"An opportunity for you today, if you can get over here as you are."

"Like now?"

"Yes, now," Dave said. "Are you in?"

Initially, Nicole wanted to refuse since she was a bit exhausted. But then, she recalled what the modeling agency had told her - _one picture and the world is yours_.

"Sure, I"m in."

* * *

She arrived and was put into a satin midi black dress that showed some cleavage. Dave came to her as the makeup artist and hairdresser were busy with her face and hair.

"We needed four models," Dave explained. "One girl is out, sick as a dog. Thanks for being available."

"No, thank you Dave," Nicole said with gratitude. "Any opportunity is golden. So this is a group photoshoot?"

"Yeah, sort of," Dave said with a bit unease. "It's with a band."

"A band?"

"They released a new album," Dave explained. "This photoshoot is to promote their new album and tour."

"Is it Elton John?" Nicole asked out of curiosity.

Literally, Nicole knew nothing about music or band besides Mozart. Elton John was the only musician she could've think of other than Michael Jackson.

"You'll see," Dave replied. "Come, let's get it started."

He walked her to the scene and Nicole saw four men with long hair; all dressed in black. Three had long black hair with their faces covered in makeup and one had long blond hair. The other three models were there already. None of them were in a dress. They were in leather pants and black bras. 

"Who are they?" She asked out loud with dismay.

Blushing, Dave whispered to her, "They are Motley Crue."

"They look like a gang of criminals."

"Nicole," Dave said. "Motley Crue is my favorite band. Don't worry, they are good people."

One of the band members chuckled; he looked a bit old.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am," Dave said. "We need to get moving. How about this? You have the privilege to pick who you like to pose with."

The blond member gave her a smile. "Come here, baby," he gestured her to come to him. "Daddy will keep you safe from the gang."

Yet, Nicole disliked him instantly. He looked like a leech.

"I'll take the tall one," she said to Dave, ignoring the blond guy. 

Dave led her to the one with black marks under his eyes. "Stand in front of Nikki."

But she meant the other tall one because she thought he's better looking.

"Actually-" She began but the guy behind her - Nikki - pulled her back with his arms around her waist. 

"What's wrong with me?" He asked. 

"Nothing," Nicole said, trying to adjust her position and add some space between her and Nikki. More she tried, the more Nikki pulled her back and he was strong. 

"Do you have something in your pocket?" Nicole asked him.

"No, why?"

"It's poking me," Nicole replied. 

The rest of the band members and the models burst out laughing while Dave tried to keep a straight face. 

"Want me to show it to you?" Nikki asked.

"Is it something very precious?"

"It is, very."

"Okay, enough the talk, let's get it over with," Dave stopped the conversation. Seeing the camera is ready, Nicole got into her business mode. However, with Nikki's arms around her, she was uneasy. She could feel his breath against her skin, which gave her goosebumps and chills. 

After a couple of shots, Dave had to admit that Nicole's way too girl-next-door and way too innocent to stand next to any member of Motley Crue.

"Nicole, take five," Dave said. 

He was going to try with the other three models. Besides the fact that Nicole isn't exactly a fit for the picture, Dave just realized that if Nicole's father saw his precious only daughter posing with the most notorious rock band in the US of A, it would not be good.

"I say she stays," Nikki said. "I like her."

The other band members howled.

Now Dave found himself in an awkward position. With years of photography experience, he knew by Nikki's intent by his gesture and facial expression.

"I'm fine Dave," Nicole said.

* * *

The shoot went okay.

Dave pulled Nicole aside. "Do you want me to take you home?"

"There's no need," Nicole assured him. "I didn't disappoint you, did I?"

"No, you're fine."

"But I guess today's photos won't make me to the next Kate Moss."

"That's correct."

"It's okay," Nicole said. "I don't mind doing something different."

"We can worry about that later," Dave said. "What's most important is to get you home safe and sound."

"I can handle it Dave," Nicole insisted. "I took karate lessons since I was little. If that guy Nikki dares to try anything, I'll make sure he ended up on the ground." She proudly did a karate gesture. 

Before Dave could say anything else, Nicole was on her way out.

As she opened the car door, Nikki came behind her. His face was still in makeup.

"Nikki, right?" She tried to hide her nervousness. He did startle her.

"Nicole," he said her name with his hands on his belt. "I believe I have something precious to show you."

"I appreciate it but no thanks."

He fished out a piece of paper from his pocket. "My number."

"Oh," Nicole blushed a little.

"Why? What do think I was going to show you?" He looked at her and said, "Since I gave you my number, it's only fair that you give me yours."

"Look, I think I have offended you when I called your band a gang," Nicole said apologetically. "I'm sorry and honestly, I know nothing about music and bands. I don't think that we'll go well together."

"I'm only asking your number as a friend."

"What?"

"I only want to make a friend, that's all," he said. "Nikki Sixx, bassist of Motley Crue."

"Nicole, a model," she replied and shook his hand. 

"And your number?"

"I don't have a paper."

"But you have a pen?" He extended his arm. "You can write it here."

Nicole noticed the tattoos. She found a spot near his elbow and wrote down her number. 

"Friends only, nothing more."

"You didn't pick Vince," Nikki said. "You made the best fuckin' choice."

"Heading home?"

"No, the strip club. The night is young!"


	2. Looks that Kill

The number Nikki gave her was in her purse. After she hit home, she was about to throw it into the trash, but chose not to and left it on her nightstand. She closed her eyes but couldn’t sleep. That Nikki Sixx came into her mind again and again. His arms were strong though he looked thin. And what was up with his tattoos? He got a bunch of them.

By far in her life, she didn’t have many interactions with men. The man whom she saw the most was her father. At school, all students were girls. Dave was in his forties and their relationship was purely professional. The way Nikki put his arms around her waist made her stomach feel funny. It was like a bunch of butterflies out of control. 

Motley Crue...she never heard of this band. Yet, when Dave talked about them, it sounded like they are a big deal.

* * *

Sitting in her makeup chair, Nicole spoke to her makeup artist, Linda. 

“Hey, Lin, what do you know of this band, Motley Crue?”

“They are not for you,” Linda replied without a hesitation. She was there on the day when Nicole did the photoshoot with the band.

“What songs have they released?”

“I only know one. ‘ _Shout with the Devil_ ’.”

Nicole laughed. “Seriously?”

“Yes,” Linda said. “You made the smartest choice in your life when you didn’t pick that Vince Neil to pose with. That man probably slept with all the girls in LA. He certainly had his eyes on you.”

“He’s a leech,” Nicole said. “I don’t like him.”

“Nicole, that day I saw Nikki Sixx went after you...you didn’t give him your number or anything, did you?”

“Well, I sort of did,” Nicole told her. “But it’s all fine. Nikki said he only wants to be a friend, like one artist to another.”

“If I were you, I’d change my number,” Linda said. “Vince Neil may be a pervert, but that Nikki Sixx is dangerous.”

“Why? Did he hurt someone?”

Before they could continue the conversation, Dave yelled, “Nicole, it’s time!”

Nicole got off her makeup chair and went to Dave.

“You look remarkable,” Dave complimented. “That dress suits you.”

She went to the scenery and laid down on a boudoir. She was in a silky white dress and her hair was down. Her makeup was clean. After a couple of poses, Dave went to her. In a lowered voice, he asked, “How comfortable would you be if I were to ask you to take off your dress?”

“But I’m wearing nothing underneath it.”

“Still not ready to show some flesh?”

“No,” Nicole shook her head.

“Okay, then, it’s your choice,” Dave went back to his camera, and found a tall guy standing next to it. 

“Hey Dave, what’s up dude?” That tall guy gave him a high five. Dave didn’t recognize him at first. “Nikki Sixx?” He was surprised and a bit flattered. “What are you doing here?”

Dressed casually, Nikki wasn’t wearing his trademark makeup.

“Just hanging out,” Nikki replied. “And to give my good friend Nicole some support.” He gave Nicole a thumbs up and a wink.

Nicole gave him a smile.

And Dave captured that smile. 

“Hey Dave, would you mind if I get in the shot?” Nikki asked.

“You want to be in the shot?” Dave didn’t know what he’s up to.

Without another word, Nikki walked into the scenery. He began to unbuckle his belt, removed his shirt, and then his pants.

No, he wasn’t wearing any underwear.

Nicole’s eyes widened when she saw a naked Nikki Sixx sauntering towards her. He had a lean body, with long legs and slightly muscular arms. His chest wasn’t hairy at all, but it was covered with tattoos. Dave didn’t seem to be bothered by Nikki’s nakedness though. He was focused on Nicole and captured all her facial expressions. 

“Wow, just wow,” Dave said under his breath. He always knew Nicole has potential, if only she could be braver, come out of her shell, and be a bit daring. 

He stopped taking pictures when he saw Nikki climb onto the boudoir. 

“Uh Mr. Sixx,” Dave began.

Nicole tensed, especially when Nikki climbed on top of her and pulled up the hem of her dress. 

He stopped though after pulling her dress up midway, revealing her thighs. He brushed her hair aside and said, “You have the most beautiful legs, show them.” 

Just as she relaxed, he grabbed her hand and pressed it against his manhood. Panicked, she tried to pull her hand back, but Nikki refused to release her. 

“Nikki, let go,” she protested.

“Do you want me to release?” He smirked before letting go of her hand and tapped her on the nose. “Let me know how this photoshoot turns out.”

Nikki walked out of the scenery and picked up his clothes. 

"Later Dave!"

Nicole looked at Dave. They were going to have a long, long talk. 

* * *

A black Porsche was parked next to her Mercedes.

“Want a ride?” Nikki placed his hands on her shoulders. 

“I have my own car,” Nicole said, startled. “I have seen Porches before, much fancier than yours.”

“But have you ever owned one?” Nikki laughed. “Come on, get in.”

As much as Nicole wanted to say no, she was in the car with Nikki, leaving her Mercedes behind. 

“Where are we going?” Nicole asked.

“Wherever you like to go,” Nikki said. “If you don’t have any idea, I’ll show you parts of LA you have never seen before.”

“I grew up in LA.”

“Nicole, you don’t know LA. If you want to succeed in LA then you need to know the real LA. Not the LA your parents want you to know.”

“Nikki, I don’t have parents,” Nicole said. “I only have my dad. My mom passed away when I was very little.”

“You grew up with your grandparents?”

“No, I lived with my aunt for a few years before I went back to live with my dad,” Nicole told him. “I always remember how he hugged me when he saw me. It was hard when my mom died but he loved me.” She peeked at him and saw his face hardened. “Hey, if you don’t mind me asking, you and your band have nothing to do with Satan and all that stuff right?”

“No, we are not religious in any way,” Nikki replied. “Why are you asking that?”

“I heard about the song ‘Shout with the Devil.’”

He stopped the car and then pulled over.

“It’s not ‘Shout _with_ the Devil’,” he said. “It’s ‘Shout _at_ the Devil’. Have you ever listened to it?”

Nicole shook her head. 

“It starts like this,” Nikki began, hummed the intro of the song. He then turned on his CD player and played the song. As Nicole listened, she found the song motivating and powerful. Nikki handed her an album cover. It was the album “Shout at the Devil”. Nikki turned down the sound and pointed to the four portraits printed on the album cover. “That’s me, Tommy, Mick and Vince.”

Nicole turned to the back of the cover; it had a picture of four members with their instruments.

“How come there are two guitar players?”

“I play the bass,” Nikki said. “Mick is the guitarist. He’s the best.”

Nicole looked at the album and read the list of soundtracks. Nikki turned off the music and noted Nicole sank deep into her thoughts.

“What’s on your mind, my friend?” He asked, playing with her hair.

“Why did you come to the studio today?”

“I came to give you support.”

“But you didn’t have to do... _that_.”

“It’s all about the art,” Nikki said. “And you need to grow up.”

“Excuse me?”

“You are not working for Disney. You are a grown woman who needs to come out of her shell. If you have never seen a naked man before, you will sooner or later.”

“For your information, I am not a princess who lives in a castle,” Nicole defended herself. “I am an independent woman living on my own. Plus, my career is fine as it is.”

“Who told you that?”

“Everyone.”

“Your friends and family?” Nikki raised an eyebrow. “Tell you what, there are many people who hate my guts but they still love my music.”

“So what do you honestly think of my photoshoot then?”

“First I like to say that you, Nicole, are indeed beautiful,” Nikki said. “And as your friend, I’d say the pictures will come out very nice. But as a guy, I have to say after one glimpse I throw it fucking away.”

Obviously she didn’t like his feedback. 

Chuckling, Nikki grabbed a magazine from the back. It was Playboy.

“Eww no!” Nicole gasped. “I can never do something like this!”

“That my friend is what the world wants to see,” Nikki said to her. “Chaste is not what makes you popular.”

“So I should join a strip club?”

“Don’t look down at the strippers,” Nikki said with a straight face. “They are professional dancers and by collecting tips alone they make thousands of bucks each night. How high can your leg go?”

“I can dance,” Nicole said.”I learned ballet and tap dance. I did my first photoshoot at thirteen. It was a birthday gift from my dad. Everyone told me that I have potential to be the next supermodel.”

"How tall are you?"

"About 5 feet five."

“Ever had a boyfriend?”

“I went to an all-girl school. The only men there were the teachers. When I was graduating, I presented a bouquet to my principle. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead. That’s the first time I received a kiss from a guy other than my dad.”

She was about to say more but Nikki leaned over and pressed his lips against hers. Nicole was about to pull back but his tongue took over. She wanted to push him off but her limbs were mellowing. Finally, when Nikki pulled away, she rubbed her lips. 

“That’s what a real kiss is like,” he said. “Yours eyes...they got the looks that kill.”

And Nicole had no idea what he meant. “Take me home,” she murmured.

“Where do you live?”

* * *

He dropped her off at her apartment complex.

“Heading on a tour soon?” Nicole asked him, recalling Dave had told her that the band has a tour coming up.

“Yeah,” he replied. “It’d be months on the road.”

“Good luck,” Nicole said. “And have fun with the girls.”

Nikki watched as she entered the apartment complex. He did not drive away until he saw the window on the third floor lightened.


	3. On with the Show, Part I

With her car left at the studio, Nicole took a taxi to work. Dave was agitated when he saw her. 

“I saw your car this morning before you got here,” he began. “You didn’t go home with him, did you?”

“If you meant that I went to his house, then the answer is no.” 

“Oh good,” Dave sighed in relief. “And you didn't sleep with him?”

“No!” Nicole replied. “Dave, I know yesterday I was a little upset. That Nikki Sixx came out of nowhere and got into the shots like that. I was worried if one day people will see these pictures - me and a naked Nikki Sixx. My dad will have a cardiac arrest. But then, I saw a different side of him.”

“You mean Nikki?”

“Yeah,” Nicole told him. “Last night, he drove me around in LA. At first, I thought he wanted to show off his Porsche. Heck, he and I had a great conversation.”

“Where did he take you?” Now Dave was really concerned.

“Not anywhere dangerous,” Nicole assured him. “Nikki is very nice and he took me back to my place. He didn’t leave until I was in my apartment safe and sound.”

“Oh no!"

"What?"

"Now he knows where you live!”

“What’s the big deal? Nikki only wants to be my friend. He gave me some insights and a few good pieces of advice.”

“On what?”

“Art and entertainment...for instance, strippers are professional dancers-”

“Strippers and models are not the same!” Dave said harshly.

“Calm down, I’m not going to become a stripper. I can’t get my legs up that high. Nikki says-”

“You are completely swooned by him! You never took my advice but you listened to everything he says.”

“Wait a minute Dave, I thought Motley Crue is your favorite band.”

“That is true and I do love their music," Dave said. "When I purchased their first album, I played it thirty times in a roll. They may be rock gods, but they have the worst lifestyle you can imagine. You don’t want to be part of that.”

“But why did you tell me that they are good people then?”

“Well, they did do some charity work,” Dave explained himself. “Plus, with them there, I couldn’t say, ‘Here’s the Motley Crue, the most notorious band in this country’.”

“Look, Dave, you don’t know Nikki at all,” Nicole said. “I admit, he did make me uncomfortable but I got to know him better. He has a softer side, and I think his bad boy image is only part of a play. Besides, even if he is a bad man, he won’t be around much. Doesn't he have a tour coming up?”

“Fine, whatever you think,” Dave said. “Just be safe. Anyway, I have to tell you that the photos from our last shoot...I have this feeling that they will be different.”

“Oh yeah?” Nicole became excited. "But not the part with Nikki in it, right?"

"Don't worry, he's not in the shots at all," Dave said. "I haven't seen the result yet. It's a bit early but there's hope. 

“Keep me posted,” Nicole was all smiling. “I have to tell my Dad.”

“Whoa, just one thing, please don’t tell him about your friendship with Nikki Sixx.”

“Don’t worry, I know he won’t approve,” Nicole said. “My lips are sealed. Scouts honor!”

That friendship between her and Nikki could be one of those special, genuine friendships where two artists developed an understanding that no one else could.

* * *

A couple of weeks later, the call of lifetime arrived. Dave happily congratulated her saying that the photos came out great. There’s a new job opportunity for her too - in Prague.

Nicole had been to Europe before, but she never went to Prague. In fact, she wasn’t even sure if Prague is in Austria or Hungary. Regardless, she would go for it even if it is in Antarctica. She was so overjoyed she couldn’t stop jumping up and down.

She was still smiling when she took out the trash. 

As she headed back to her apartment building, she found a tall figure standing in front of the main entrance. 

“Nikki?” She recognized him instantly. “You need to stop startle me like that.”

“Just want to stop by to see you,” he replied. Under the light, Nicole noticed that his eyes seemed to be wet. Was he crying?

“Are you all right?” 

“I’m fine,” he replied. “Our band is heading out tonight on our tour. I thought maybe you like to come along.”

“Me?” Nicole laughed. “I don’t know anything about music. Why, you need an extra singer?”

“No, I just want you to be there.”

“Thanks for the offer but I can’t,” Nicole said. “I got a new job opportunity, a big one! And I have to say, I got to thank you. You did made my last photoshoot different. Thanks to you, I'm going to Prague, Austria!”

“Prague isn’t in Austria.”

“Fine, Hungary.”

“It’s in Czechoslovakia,” Nikki said. He grabbed her hand and pulled her into his arms. “Please Nicole, come with me.” He held her tightly and buried his face into her hair. 

“Nikki, what’s the matter?” His actions scared her, at least a little. Warnings from Linda and Dave came to her mind and made her chill.

_That Nikki Sixx is dangerous._

_Oh no! He knows where you live!_

He picked her up and carried her to his car.

“No! Nikki!” Nicole struggled in his arms. “You can’t do this to me!” She resisted but Nikki was stronger. He threw her into his car and drove off. 

* * *

Like it or not, she was on a tour bus.

Nikki was sitting next to her, and she was in handcuffs. She looked around and found the other three band members on the bus. Vince gave her a wink. The older one - Mick - acted like he saw nothing. And the other tall one - Tommy - also brought a girl. 

“This is Roxy, my fiancee,” Tommy introduced. “Roxy, this is Nicole, Nikki’s girl.”

“Nikki’s pet,” Vince snarled.

That girl, Roxy, by the first glance, Nicole knew that she wouldn’t like her. At the same time, she knew Roxy would be the least of her problems. She looked out from the window. The bus was only moving forward and not stopping. To make things more awkward, she was still in her pajamas - a long t-shirt and nothing else. 

Tommy handed them a brown bag. Nikki thanked him and took out the burgers and fries. He handed one to Nicole, but she looked away.

"No,” she said. “My stomach can’t take it.”

“You haven’t eaten anything,” Nikki said. “Come on, don’t be stubborn.”

“Nikki I have a job coming up, and I can’t eat this!”

“Why, do you want to end up dying from starvation? Baby, open your mouth.” After much coaxing, Nicole took a small bite. Before Nikki could get her to take another bite, she shook her head. “It’s not what you think,” she said. “My stomach really is not used to this. I need a few minutes.”

It took her another thirty minutes before her next bite. Each time she took a bite, Nicole felt her stomach growing bigger. The motion of the bus didn’t help either; it was like she’s on a boat.

“Nikki, you need to release me from this...I’m not feeling too well.”

Seeing her thus, he unlocked the handcuff and Nicole sprang to the back to the bus’ toilette. When she reemerged, she looked pale. When Nikki was about to cuff her again, she was in disbelief. “You don’t have to do that.”

“This is your punishment for what you did in the car,” Nikki said as he cuffed her. 

“Fine. I’m sorry I hit you, that was for self-defense.”

“No, that I can forgive.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you, because you made me mad.”

“No, I don’t mind you yelling either.”

"I shouldn't have threaten to smash your guitar. I was wrong."

"It was bass."

“Then what is it?” Nicole asked in frustration. “Seriously, I am the one who’s losing the job opportunity of a lifetime. How would you feel if I forced you to come with me to Austria when you have a big performance coming up?”

“Once again, Prague is not in Austria,” he said to her and then whispered in her ear. “You called me a bastard. Baby, you can call me all kinds of names but never that.”

Nicole thought for a second and then realized how much it can offend a person. She remembered how Nikki looked when he came to her apartment complex and how his face hardened that night when she told him about her father. “I’m sorry,” she said it softer this time. “Never again.”

Immediately, he uncuffed her. “Finish your burger?”

“No, it’s too much for my stomach.”

“What do you like to eat then?”

* * *

A bag of apples, oranges, and bananas was placed in front of her.

Doc, their managers, tried to be nice as possible when he had to turn the bus around to find a grocery store.

Nikki took out a big knife, and sliced the fruits. He had Nicole sit on his lap and fed her pieces of fruits.

“Nikki, people are watching!” Nicole whispered.

“Let them,” Nikki said.

Sitting further back, Roxy rolled her eyes and gave Tommy a glare.

“This knife is special to me,” he said to her ear. “It belonged to my grandfather. I always wanted it since I was little. I tried again and again until I succeeded. It slices so well and I have used it on many victims.” His words made Nicole afraid to say at the least. “And their names are: carrots, hams, veggies, apples, and pears.” He laughed out loud.

“Don’t do that Nikki,” Nicole said. “It’s not funny.”

He took out his wallet and laid some photos in front of her. She played with the pictures as he rubbed her stomach. “Is this you and your mother?”

“No, it’s me and Mick.”

“Oh,” Nicole’s face reddened. 

“I know, I’m old,” Mick said, obviously heard most of their conversations. 

“That’s Tommy,” Nikki pointed to another picture, knowing Nicole would mistaken him as a girl. 

“This is us after our first performance...and this is Tom. He’s the one who signed us with Elektra Records.”

Tommy went to them. “Hey dude, you wanna?”

“Not now man,” Nikki said. “Later.” He turned his attention back to Nicole. “And this...this is me and my grandparents.”

“Wow,” Nicole found it hard to believe that the boy in the picture is the same guy as Nikki Sixx. He looked different - with lighter hair and glasses. He didn't look bad but hands down he was a misfit back when he was a kid. 

“I don’t know my grandparents very well,” Nicole told him. “They were disappointed that I’m not a boy.”

“Well, that ain’t my disappointment,” Nikki laughed. "You look tired, want to take a nap?"

He got up and carried her to the back. He handed her a pillow and closed her eyes. 

Seeing that she's asleep, Nikki gave Tommy a nod. He went to sit with him as his terror twin took out their goodies. As Nicole napped, Nikki and Tommy snorted their white powders with Roxy cursing under her breath. 


	4. On with the Show, Part II

"Hey baby, wake up," Nikki patted her cheek not too gently, waking her up from her nap. 

Nicole rubbed her eyes. The bus had stopped and everyone was getting off.

"Where are we?" She asked, yawning.

"We are stopping to eat," Nikki said, taking her hand. "Come, let's go."

She stumbled behind him in her slippers. After getting off the bus, she shivered. It was evening, getting cold. Nikki took off his jacket and placed it on her. 

"Thanks," she said and went inside with the group; it was a steakhouse bar.

She sat as the menu were placed in front of her. "Hey Nikki," she said in a lowered voice. "I don't have any money."

"Don't worry," he brushed it off. "Just eat, whatever you like."

She looked at all the entrees and appetizers, over and over again. All of them she found too heavy for her appetite. Her stomach was still full from the fruits she ate earlier. She was looking at the menu when the server waited for her order.

"For you miss?"

Vince chanted, "One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi..."

"I'll take a bowl of chicken broth and a spinach please," Nicole said to the server, ignoring Vince.

"That's all you eat?" Roxy remarked not-too-nicely. "How much do you weight? 90 pounds?"

"I have a job," Nicole said, assuming Roxy is one of the groupies who sleeps around. "I need to maintain my weight."

"Oh what's the job?" Doc, the band's manager asked.

"It's in Prague," Nicole replied. "Finally, I got the opportunity that is going to make my dream come true."

"When's the flight?" Doc asked.

"Don't know," Nicole said. "I'm waiting for more information. I'm praying that when I follow up with the agency, they didn't choose someone else over me."

"Is Prague even a real place?" Tommy asked.

"Yes, it's in Austria."

"It is not," Nikki said. 

"Well, it once was," Nicole defended herself. To her, Nikki didn't have to correct her in front of other people. "Once in history, Austria was an empire in central Europe and Prague was part of that empire."

"Prague is no longer Austria's."

"It was not that long ago."

"Like when?"

"Before World War I," Nicole said. "It was still in the 20th century!"

The server came with beers and alcohols. Nicole was surprised that one beer was placed before her.

"I didn't order a beer," she commented.

"I ordered one on your behalf," Nikki said, having one himself. 

"But I am not 21!" Nicole whispered not too quietly.

"How old are you kid?" Doc asked.

"I'm nineteen," Nicole said.

"Baby, you have to be 21 to _buy_ alcohol, but you can drink at any age," Nikki told her, opening the beer bottle for her. "I assume this is your first."

"No it isn't," Nicole muttered. "Last time I had a beer I got a little drunk. I accidentally said something offending and I got into trouble."

Nikki rolled his eyes. "Baby, watch this." He turned to Mick. "Fuck you!"

Mick shrugged.

"See? No harm." Nikki waited for her to have a sip. With everyone looking at her, Nicole drank. 

The dinner went pretty well. Mick had one Vodka after another and barely spoke a word. Vince made an inappropriate comment here and there. At one point, Nicole nearly threw a dinner roll at him but Nikki stopped her. Roxy looked like she wanted to tear Nicole into shreds but Tommy was decent. Doc was like a high school chaperone babysitting them, but he was nice too. Hanging out with Motley Crue didn't seem too bad. The four band members were hands down buddies, or a more accurate term, brothers. If so, Mick would be the aloof older brother; Nikki and Tommy, the twins who bring out the best and the worst of each other; and Vince, the annoying little brother the group can't get rid of. That made her and Roxy two in-laws who hate each other. 

The beer made her feel hot and losing balance.

"You alright?" Nikki asked, with his arms around her.

"You got a quarter?"

"Why?" He asked but handed her a quarter anyway.

Nicole got up, trying to keep her balance, and went to the weight scale by the bar's entrance.

"She walks like a goose!" Roxy said loudly.

Much to her own surprise, Nicole gave her a bird.

She put a quarter in and stepped on the scale, praying that the burgers and other food had not made her fat. Before when the weight number appeared, it was about 150 pounds over her usual weight. Nicole nearly yelped but realized that Nikki was standing on the scale behind her.

"Nikki, knock it off!"

Smirking, Nikki wrapped his arms around her. "Come on you skinny little thing, we got to get moving."

He picked her up and carried her out of the bar.

* * *

"This car looks just like my first car," Nicole said, pointed to a blue Porsche in the parking lot. "Remember you asked me if I ever owned a Porsche? Well I did, after I got my driver's license."

"What happened to it?" Nikki asked, knowing that Nicole is drunk even though she only had one beer.

"You are not going to believe it," Nicole said. "I had it only for one day. My dad and I were staying overnight at this hotel and the valet took care of the parking. The next morning, I found the car completely totaled. Apparently, some idiots pushed a television and some furniture out of the window. I called the cops and I told them to do everything they can to find the idiots who did this. Still got no lead but I say, if I found them, I'll give them hell of a good beating and make sure they go to jail for a _long, long time_."

"I'll buy you a new one for your next birthday," Nikki said.

"That's too nice of you Nikki, but I like my Mercedes," Nicole said.

As Nikki carried Nicole back to the bus, Vince spoke to Mick and Tommy. "Hey dudes, you remember what we did that day? Mick you weren't there but Nikki said let's push the television-"

"Shut it," Mick said. 

* * *

The sun had set and the night hit.

Nicole rested her head against the window as Nikki went to chat with Mick. Her head hurts but she could feel the influence from the alcohol diminishing. When she heard someone sitting down next to her, she thought it was Nikki; but it was Tommy. 

"Hey, you look pretty upset when you talked about your car," he said.

"Of course, that car meant a lot to me," Nicole said, not noticing Tommy's trying to keep a straight face. "But like what the cops said, I was lucky that I wasn't in the car. So, it's not all that bad."

"Well, yeah, I agree."

"You don't have be friendly," Nicole said. "It's okay if you don't like me."

"No, no, no!" Tommy quickly explained himself. "Any friend of Nikki's is a friend of mine. He's very happy with you."

"Is he? I gave someone a finger out in the public. I hope I did not embarrass him."

"Nobody embarrassed Nikki more than Nikki himself." He was about to say something more but seeing Nikki came, he went back to his own seat.

Roxy's face was twisted with anger.

"Why did you have to go talk to her?" She demanded angrily. "What does she have anything to do with you?"

"Hey baby, she's my buddy's girl, alright?" Tommy tried to calm her down. "It's no big deal. We're like family."

"She's a slut," Roxy sneered. Needless to say, Nicole was offended.

"Baby, chill."

"She's a slut just like your mother!"

"Don't call her that," Tommy's eyes became cold. 

"Fuck you!" Roxy yelled, smacking him. "You have a heart for sluts because your mother is one! Fuck her and fuck your mother!"

She probably was about to say something worse before Tommy punched her in the face. Nicole was horrified. Roxy did stop yelling. She wiped her nose and Nicole saw her bleeding. She watched as Tommy ordered Doc pulled over and literally threw Roxy out of the bus. Nicole was about to get up, perhaps to make sure Roxy is okay; but Nikki held her down. His hand went to hers and held her tightly.

* * *

The bus stopped before a hotel.

Nicole was very silent. She didn't protest when Nikki had her stay in the same room with him. 

After a hot shower, she sat on a queen-sized bed, wrapped in a white towel. Hearing that Nikki is showering, she picked up the phone and debated if she should use it.

But to call who?

Dave?

Her dad?

Or the police?

Quietly she put the phone down. She was startled when Nikki came behind her and played with her hair.

"You need to stop acting like that," he said. wrapping his arms around her. "It's only me."

He literally wore nothing.

Nicole tensed up when he kissed her shoulder. Would she lose her virginity to Nikki Sixx tonight? How would Nikki treat her afterwards? 

"Hey, if you don't mind me asking, are you okay with Tommy hitting that girl?"

"Why do you care?" Nikki said without an ounce of sympathy. "After hearing her calling you that word, I would've hit her myself."

Nicole was disappointed in his answer. This is the man who had literally kidnapped her and handcuffed her. Tommy and him definitely had much more in common other than physical traits. One moment, they could be nice and sweet; and the next? Destructive and violent. Tommy was so sweet when he spoke to her, almost like a guy next door. And then, he punched Roxy right in the face, leaving her bleeding. Would Nikki do the same to her? Birds of a feather flock together.

"Would you hit me too then?" She asked slowly.

"Here, lie down," Nikki said and tucked her in bed. "This world is not made up of sugar and honey. There are more men out there beating up girls than you think. When you called me a bastard last night, I would've hit you had you been someone else. And should I remind you that Roxy hit Tommy first?"

"So you would hit me then?"

"I'm no saint, Nicole," he admitted. "I'm not like you. I once got into a fight, and turned out it was an undercover cop. I was thrown in jail and it was Lita who bailed me out. She sold her car get me out of there."

"Are you with her? Lita?"

"No," he replied. "I thought she was seeing someone else behind my back. I overreacted and she was angry. Our relationship ended there." 

"Do you regret what you did?"

"No," he said, and it was an honest answer. "I did what I did. I have done many things. My mom and I never got along, she never wanted me. She left me on my porch of my grandparents when I was little. I never met my dad. I called him once. I said, 'Mr. Feranna, this is your son.' He told me never to call again and hung up."

"Sorry," Nicole said, and noticed a dimmed scar on his left arm.

"I did what I had to do to survive," Nikki said. "Win it all or lose it all, there is no middle ground." He kissed her on the forehead. "But no, I won't hit you, Nicole. Wanna know why? Because I can't lose you."

She touched his face and he leaned down to give her a kiss, a tender one this time. She closed her eyes and turned aside. She could hear him humming song.

_Frankie died just the other night_   
_Some say it was suicide_   
_But we know_   
_How the story goes_

_With his six string knife_   
_And his street wise pride_   
_The boy was a man before his time_   
_And she knew_   
_All their dreams would come true..._

She buried her face in the pillows to prevent Nikki seeing her tears. She remained as thus until she fell asleep.

She didn't hear Nikki got dressed and walked out. 


	5. On with the Show, Part III

Nicole rubbed her eyes and found herself alone in a queen-sized bed. It wasn’t her room, but then she remembered that she’s at a hotel with Nikki. Yesterday was adventurous for sure. She was on a tour bus and he never left her side. Last night, wearing only a towel, she was in bed, with him humming a song and playing with hair. He loved her hair apparently, never missed an opportunity to play with it. But of course, people had complimented hair for being gorgeous, fine, and shiny. 

Where is Nikki now?

She saw her shirt on a chair but she needed something fresher to wear. Since Nikki had been generous towards her, she could buy new clothes with his help. Besides, it wouldn’t be fair that he made her join him on his tour without providing her clean clothes and accessories.

She called the front desk and asked for more towels. For now, without clean clothes, she was going to make one. She had learned origami in art class. Now this skill has come in handy.

* * *

In a dress made of white towels, she went to the lobby hoping to find Nikki there. She was not very happy - how could he left her like that? This was not a nice way to treat a friend let alone his girl.

His girl…

So she’s Nikki’s girl now?

Nikki Sixx’s girl…

A good thing or bad thing?

A kid’s screaming interrupted her thoughts. She turned and saw two boys fighting. One of them shoved the other one; and the other one fought back by kicking the first one. The two continued fighting until their mother pulled them apart. “Knock it off you two!” 

Seeing them thus, Nicole thought about Roxy and Tommy. Tommy had been rough with Roxy, but it was Roxy who hit him first and used foul language. When Nikki took her by force, she hit him too. Naturally, if one hits another, the other will fight back. Now she realized she wasn’t fair to Tommy when judging him. If he was wrong to hit Roxy, Roxy wasn’t any better. 

“Nicole?” Doc, the band’s manager, found her.

“I’m so happy to see you,” Nicole was relieved. “I thought you guys left without me.”

“No, Nikki won’t have it,” Doc shook his head. “Their performance is tonight and the boys are getting ready.” He looked at her up and down. “Let’s get you something to wear tonight.”

* * *

Nicole loved dresses, especially those that are classy and unique. After grabbing one, she wanted another. Doc watched as she took one dress after another from the racket. 

“Whoa, you don't need that many,” he told her. “Once the concert is over, we’ll leave this place.”

“Heading home?”

“No, to our next performance.”

“Where’s that?”

“Denver.”

“As Denver, Colorado?”

“Yeah. we’ll be flying,” Doc replied. “All you need is an outfit for tonight. Nikki is giving you a free ticket.”

Nicole never went to a heavy metal concert before.

“Okay, I’ll just need a dress then.” She went towards the maxi dress section.

“Those are nice, but anything casual will do.”

Nicole looked at the dresses she had picked out. She decided on an one-shouldered mini dress that’s in black and white. “I’ll take this one.”

Doc chuckled. “It’s pretty but no one wears this to a Motley Crue’s concert.”

“I’ll be the first one then,” Nicole said.

“Really, I suggest you pick something else.”

“Look, I work in the modeling industry and I know what I’m doing.”

“You are a model?” Doc raised an eyebrow. He did ask her about her job at the bar yesterday, but all she told him was that the job’s in Prague. Looking at Nicole, she was a brunette; wasn’t short but definitely wasn’t at a model’s height; her bust size was medium at best; and she looked underweight. He could assume that makeup artists and photographers got their magic wands. After all, without makeup and hair-dos, even a supermodel can look like a plain Jane. 

“Yeah, that’s how I met Nikki and his band,” Nicole went on. “I was in the photoshoot promoting their new album and this tour. Anyway, I decide what I wear, and I’m very sure Nikki doesn’t want to see me upset.”

Only after being Nikki’s girl for one day, she was having an air of Madame Nikki Sixx, Doc thought. 

“Oh, one another thing,” Nicole said. “I need to head to Victoria’s Secret.”

Doc really wanted to give her a lecture on what it means to be involved with the Motley Crue members, at least Nikki, Tommy, and Vince. This trio never skipped a day from partying at strip clubs - and that’s exactly where Nikki was last night while Nicole was sleeping. Highly likely he was still passed out from all the alcohol, partying, and of course, drugs. Nikki had ex-girlfriends here and here; Tommy fell in love quickly with a bang and even quicker out of love with a bang; Vince, however was the worst, with false promises of marriage to many girls. If this girl were to believe that she’s going to be Mrs. Nikki Sixx, then she’s dreaming.

Or is she?

Doc never saw Nikki this attached to a girl as he is with Nicole. He saw how Nikki played with her hair and whispered in her ear. Was it love? Or an obsession? At nineteen, Nicole was maybe a little too young for him, being almost a decade younger. Based on her body language, it was obvious that she’s from an affluent family. When she picked the dresses, she never bothered to check the price tags. However this relationship turns out, Doc decided that he better not get involved in it.

Quietly, he took Nicole wherever she wanted to go and paid the bills. 

* * *

Back in the hotel, she was getting ready for the concert. Doc waited a long time. Running out of patience, he knocked on the door.

Nicole poked her head out. “Sorry, I’m on the phone. It’s my Dad. I promised to tell him if I’m leaving the state.”

She closed the door and Doc waited for another hour. He knocked on the door again.

Nicole poked out her head. “Sorry, I’m on the phone with Dave. It’s about the job in Prague.”

After another 45 minutes, she came out apologizing, “Sorry for the wait, but it was important. Hopefully we are not too late.”

“We are,” Doc said.

They got into a car and Nicole told him, “That job in Prague is not happening. There’s an uprising, something to do with Communists.”

Frankly my dear, Doc said in his head, I don’t give a damn. 

* * *

When they arrived, the show had already started for a half hour. Doc took her to the backstage. 

“Nicole, this is Tom Zutaut,” Doc introduced her to a pudgy guy who looked quite dorky. “Executive of Elektra Records. Tom, this is Nicole, Nikki’s…” He stopped right there because he didn’t know exactly how to describe their relationship status.

“Nikki’s friend,” Nicole finished for him.

“Friends with benefits?” Tom asked jokingly.

“What?” Nicole had no idea what he meant. 

“Never mind, it’s nice to meet you,” Tom kissed her hand. “By the way, you are marvelous in this dress.”

“Oh I know,” Nicole said, all smiling.

Tom was bewildered by her reply. “You know?”

“Uh, excuse me,” Doc pulled her aside. “Nicole, that’s the executive who signed Motley Crue with Elektra Record.”

“I know, you told me.”

“He said something nice to you. You can’t just say ‘oh I know.’”

“What’s wrong with that? I do know that I look great in this dress and that’s exactly why I picked it. I got good fashion sense. It’s a talent, isn’t it?”

“I understand that, but you can’t say that when others compliment you.”

“Doc, I am confident in myself.”

“That’s not the point,” Doc said. 

“Well, for your information, that’s what I always say when people praise my looks,” Nicole said. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing,” Doc decided to let it go. Now he saw what she and Nikki had in common: stubbornness.

“Where is Nikki?” She looked around but didn’t see him anywhere.

“Working,” Doc said. “Come, let’s go.”

* * *

Doc took her to the front row VIP seats. Loud noises from music and the audience blasted in her ears. Nicole looked around and now knew what Doc was talking about regarding her outfit. Everyone was in t-shirts and jeans. Some girls wore very revealing tops that their boobs were popping out. In comparison, she was like an actress attending a film premiere. Quickly, though, she brushed her worries aside. She liked being stand out and that’s exactly why she wanted to be a model. 

Well, nobody cared about what she wore since all their attention was on the Motley Crue or rather, Vince. Girls almost wanted to climb on the stage to kiss him. Nicole couldn’t understand exactly what’s so attractive about him. To her, he acted like a crazy nut on stage and his singing voice was horrible. She was more in awe of Mick's guitar playing. As for Tommy, he was in the back behind the drum set. She could see his arms flying around but not too much of him. Nikki was moving around; Vince may be the front man, but Nikki was in charge. 

The loud music suddenly slowed down and became soft, and almost romantic. The audience found it odd. Motley Crue was a heavy metal band; what is this?

Vince grabbed his microphone and sang:

 _Without you, there's no change_ _  
_ _My nights and days are gray_ _  
_ _If I reached out and touched the rain_ _  
_ _It wouldn't feel the same_

 _Without you, I'd be lost_ _  
_ _I'd slip down from the top_ _  
_ _I'd slide down so low_ _  
_ _Girl, you'd never, never know_

 _Without you, without you_ _  
_ _A sailor lost at sea_ _  
_ _Without you, woman_ _  
_ _The world comes down on me…_

This wasn’t a heavy metal song but a love song. It was full of emotions and sincerity.

Nikki was looking down, playing bass. Then, he looked up and saw her. 

Those eyes...

 _I could face a mountain_ _  
_ _But I could never climb alone_ _  
_ _I could start another day_ _  
_ _But how many, I don't know_ _  
_ _You're the reason, the sun shines down_ _  
_ _And the nights, they don't grow cold_   
_Only you that I'll hold when I'm young_ _  
_ Only you, as we grow old

When the song ended, at first there was silence. Then, the audience began to applaud. Many were crying and wiping tears. Motley Crue had always bore the image of bad boys. This song showed their softer and human side. 

"I love you too Vince!"

"Let's get married Vince!"

The girls yelled. 

But Nicole knew it wasn't Vince who wrote the song. 

Her eyes were wet too.


	6. Girls, Girls, Girls

On a plane, Nicole was on her way to Denvers, Colorado with the Motley Crue. Having told her dad and got an update from Dave, she was less agitated. News from Dave was disappointing, but she could use the tour with the band as a vacation. Her dad told her to have a good time and be safe. Since he didn’t ask who she’s with, she wasn’t exactly dishonest by not telling him. 

On the plane, Mick sat by the bar; the man hardly ever uttered a word, but Nicole liked him. She would rather spend a day with Mick than with Vince, who was a big baby. Tommy hung out with Nikki, who had Nicole by his side. It was a little awkward, hard to say who’s the third wheel - Nicole or Tommy. 

“Did you like our show?” Tommy asked Nicole. “Did we rock?”

“It is one of a kind,” Nicole replied. “Nothing I had ever seen before. I like the fireworks. It’s going to keep me up all night.”

“That’s the spirit!” Tommy raised his hand to give her a high five. When he smacked his big hand down to hers, Nicole groaned in pain. “Sorry,” Tommy muttered and went to the bar. Nikki pulled her onto his lap and rubbed her hand. “Why were you late?”

“What?”

“You weren’t there when the show started,” Nikki said. “I had a front row seat reserved for you.”

“Oh,” now Nicole felt guilty. “Sorry, I was getting ready, then I was on the phone with my dad. When I moved out of the house, I promised him to tell him if I were to leave California or go anywhere abroad. Then, I was on the phone with Dave. To make you feel better, the job at Prague is not happening.”

“It does make me feel a little better,” Nikki said not-too-sarcastically. “You don’t need that job in Prague.”

“Nikki, it’s my dream,” Nicole said. “I went to Europe many times. The palaces and the castles fascinate me. When I started modeling, I always wanted to do a photoshoot in these palaces and castles-”

“So your real dream is to be Princess Nicole?” He laughed.

“Not funny!” Nicole turned her face away, though Nikki’s tease wasn’t that far from the truth. When she was four, she saw the film  _ Sissi  _ starring Romy Schneider at her aunt’s house. She was completely besotted by Empress Sissi’s long hair, gowns, and her fairy tale wedding. After she grew older, she read the real life Empress Sissi’s biographies. She learned about her beauty routine, her diet, and her traveling. She had adopted several habits of this Austrian Empress, such as taking long walks, having a strict diet, and taking care of her long hair. She had asked her dad to take her to Austria, but her dad never wanted to hear it. When Dave told her about the job in Prague, she was envisioning a photoshoot in a castle on a hill with 18th century classic music playing in the background.

Well, Prague isn’t in Austria. But so what? Empress Sissi ruled Prague once.

“What do you think of the last song?” Nikki asked her, feeding her a piece of grape.

“It’s different,” Nicole said. “It’s not like the other songs you guys played. It’s soft and gentle.”

“It comes from the heart,” Nikki said. 

“Does it?” 

“Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“Hey Nikki,” she changed the subject. “When Doc took me to the backstage, I heard people talking about you and the strip clubs. They are saying things like once we hit Denver, strip clubs will be your next stop. Is it true?”

“What do you think?” He asked back.

“If you are going to the strip club, can I come along?”

* * *

After seeing a Motley Crue performance, she wanted to see what a strip club is like. If she had one adventure, why not another?

The entrance fee was a hundred bucks. Nicole had anticipated a dirty place, but the club itself was quite fancy. Bar tables were built around the stage where customers can literally touch the dancers. Other tables were available at a lesser price. Food and drinks were served. The club owner was thrilled to see the Motley Crue. Obviously he was a fan of theirs, and knowing that they’d tip big.

Nicole sat on Nikki’s lap as the dancers emerged. Though exotic, their dance moves weren’t easy at all. Watching them dance, Nicole wondered why they couldn’t pursue a profession where they can keep their clothes on? Dancer teachers, choreographers...

“Baby, you can handle the tips,” he said to her, pulling out a bunch of Benjamin Franklins from his pocket. 

And that was her answer.

She looked at Tommy and Vince; they were getting lap dances. Mick was getting one as well. 

“Hey, you want one of those too?” She asked Nikki.

“No,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her waist. 

After each dance, Nicole handed a one-hundred dollar bill to the dancer.

“Thank you hon,” the dancer said.

“You need to tip more than that,” Nikki said in her ear. “They could be raising kids on their own. Last thing these kids need is abusive stepdads. These dancers don’t make much. It’s the tips that keeps them afloat.”

Hearing that, Nicole handed the dancer a couple hundred dollars more.

“You are a saint to the strippers,” Nicole remarked jokingly.

“Life is hard when you are not a star,” Nikki said in a serious tone. “For musicians and dancers. I left Seattle for LA to chase my rock star dream. I did various odd jobs and when our band was formed, all we got was twenty bucks per week. We couldn’t even afford a turkey on Thanksgiving”

“Yeah, I can relate,” Nicole said. “I’m renting a studio apartment. It’s tiny compared to my dad’s house. It only has a bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a living room. For the first time, I have to take the trash out by myself. But if my modeling career is a real success, maybe I can buy a palace.”

“Still upset about Prague?”

“Yes,” Nicole admitted. “I really had a lot of hope in it.”

“Life is long,” Nikki said, rubbing her thigh. “You’ll get other opportunities.”

“Just don’t stop working, right?”

“That’s right baby,” Nikki assured her. “Before Motley Crue, there was the Sisters and London.”

“Gotta tell you a story, when I was in France, I saw the Palace of Versailles. It was way bigger than my dad’s house. I asked my dad if we can move into a place like Versailles. He said, only when Germany reunifies. Funny isn’t it? I thought my dad’s house isn’t that big, but now living in my studio apartment, it is like a castle.”

“What is your dream house to be exact?”

“I want something like a castle, not exactly an extravagant palace,” Nicole said. “With a spa and a swimming pool. I want four bedrooms, one for each season.”

“Castle and palace, what’s the difference?”

“Castles are older and smaller,” Nicole explained. “Palaces are bigger and more modernized.”

She asked a server for more water and then spotted some familiar faces. Quickly she buried her face in Nikki’s shoulders.

“Baby, what’s the matter?”

“Nikki, I saw a couple of my dad’s colleagues,” Nicole whispered. “Please don’t say my name. I’m screwed if my dad knows I’m in a place like this.”

“Why don’t I take you to the hotel, baby?” he whispered in her hair. 

She got off his laps and kept her head down. Nikki handed her a pair of sunglasses which she put on immediately. He placed his leather jacket on her shoulders. Quickly, Nicole walked out of the club as if she were a refugee escaping from secret agents. 

“Later dudes,” Nikki waved his band mates goodbye.

Tommy and Vince made faces and a love-you gesture.

* * *

Nicole kicked off her shoes as she sat on the bed. It was almost six am in the morning; she never stayed up this late before. Oddly, she wasn’t tired at all. She laid down and Nikki joined her. He hovered over her, and this time, she didn’t turn away. 

“Your hair,” he said. “It’s so soft, shiny, like silks.”

“Yeah, I know,” she replied. “I take very good care of it. Dave says the same thing when I first worked with him. He suggested I die it blond, but I said no.”

“Who do you think rock the most? Me, Vince, Mick or Tommy?”

“If I tell you, promise me you won’t be mad.”

“I promise.”

“Mick,” Nicole said without a hesitation. “It’s his guitar that keeps the performance together. By the way, is Vince having a cold? He sounds terrible.”

“What about me?”

“You are the one who runs the show,” Nicole said. “I can see it.”

He chuckled. “You want to know why I like you? Because you are so genuine and real, Nicole. Every part of you.” He leaned down and kissed her on the lips. Nicole moaned when he deepened the kiss. Sensed that she’s tensed, Nikki pulled away and wrapped her in his arms. Holding her tightly against him, he whispered, “Shh, baby, it’s only me.” 

_ It’s only me. _

The three words mellowed her as he unzipped her dress. It fell on the floor followed by his clothes. Always shy about bearing flesh, now her whole body was exposed to him. Once she had told herself that she’s saving her virginity for marriage. That was out of the window.

Tangling in sheets, she traced the tattoos on his body and tried to ignore the soreness between her legs. It amazed her that Nikki’s manhood was able to fit and penetrate all the way in. 

“You want one too?”

“No,” she replied. “I don’t like inks on my body.”

Her eyelids grew heavy and she fell asleep. Nikki removed a bracelet from his wrist and placed it on Nicole’s. It was given by a soothsayer from Japan. He and the band were touring in Japan where that soothsayer warned him that he will die by the end of this year. This bracelet is a charm that can keep the demons away, the soothsayer told him, it was his only hope. The soothsayer’s words had an impact on him; in fact, he had a breakdown afterwards. He knew there’s a price to pay for his choice of a debauchery lifestyle. 

The night he took Nicole from her apartment building, his mother had called. She left one nasty message after another. He never forgave his mother for abandoning him and the abusive boyfriends she brought home. His mother never cared for him and only started to contact him after he became a rock star. Nicole was everything his mother wasn’t. 

In his crazy world of sex, drug, and rock-n-roll, she was the one who can keep his sanity. 

Watching Nicole sleeping beside him, the soothsayer's words no longer agitate him. It was all mumbo-jumbo, he told him, but Nicole is real.

He gave Nicole a kiss and tried to stay up to watch her sleeping face until his exhaustion gave in. 


	7. Merry Go Around

Loud banging on the door woke Nikki up. Sleeping in his arms, Nicole was up as well. The banging were loud enough to wake the dead. Nikki got out of the bed. Without any cloth on, he opened the door.

It was Doc; and he was not amused.

“Someone is here to see you, Sixx,” he said, frowning. “Clean yourself up.”

Nikki shut the door into his face and went to get dressed. Rubbing her eyes, Nicole yawned and muttered, “Who is it?”

“Doc,” Nikki said. “Someone’s here to see me.”

She sat up and spotted abscesses on his thighs. “Hey Nikki, what happened there?”

“Nothing, go back to sleep,” Nikki said as he put on his pants. She clung on to him and buried her face in his chest. “Do you have to go now?”

“Baby, Doc is going to bang the fucking door down,” he said, covering her face with kisses.

Still sleepy, she laid back down in bed, stretching out her arms and rolling to the other side as Nikki walked out. For the first time in her life, she had shared a bed with someone. Though she liked cuddling with him, she found her space limited and the bed too hot. If she and Nikki were ever to have a future, they’d need their own bedrooms.

* * *

Nikki went down to the lobby with Doc, wondering who’s here to see him. Soon he had his answer and his blood went cold.

“Frankie!” A middle-aged yet still attractive woman stood before him, opening her arms. 

“Deana,” Nikki said her name coldly. He had stopped addressing her as “mom” since he left Seattle. His mother, Deana, went to hug him despite his hostility. “My baby.”

Nikki did not hug her back. All he could think of was Nicole, her genuineness and sincerity. The groupies and strippers - all they wanted from him was money; and in exchange, they could satisfy his needs. The Elektra Records,and everyone who worked with them, weren’t any better. But he could've cared less since it was all business. 

His band mates, Mick, Tommy, and Vince, were like his brothers and music had bonded them together like blood. They provided him a family he never had. Nikki never met his father and knew his mother never wanted him. His grandparents did give him a home but nothing can pacify the anger he harbored towards his parents. No, he was not using drugs because he's a rock star; he was using them to look away from his insecurities. 

The woman who had her arms around him supposed to love him the most. Yet, she was the one who created the monster in him. The night he took Nicole from her apartment building, he saw the fear in her eyes - was he a devil that night? No matter how she resisted, he had to take her with him especially after she told him about going to Prague. No, he couldn’t lose her.

He knew how to fuck a woman, but he never knew how to love one. Like an inexperienced new parent, he tried everything he could to shower her love. Regardless how she reacted, it was all honesty. She wasn’t a fan who wanted to be with a rock star; she wasn’t a groupie who wanted to get paid; she was a girl who genuinely came to accept and care for him - for who he is. For once, Nikki felt like a normal human being.

“The song, _The Looks that Kill_ , it is based on me. Isn't it, Frankie?”

A thought came to him like a bullet.

_Did he use protection last night?_

A baby could be forming in Nicole’s womb. He could see a little boy running to him and yelling, “Dad! Dad!”

“Frankie?” Deana pulled away, bewildered by her son’s lack of response.

“That’s not my fucking name!” Nikki shouted. Angrily he pushed his mother away and stormed out of the hotel. 

“Nikki, wait,” Doc ran after him. “Don’t be like this.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Nikki demanded.

“Your mother called and said she wants to see you. I saw how you are with Nicole, so I thought it may be the time for you-”

“Don’t bring Nicole into this,” Nikki spat hatefully. “Let me make this clear: you are not my fucking father or my fucking friend! You are a leech with your hands in my pocket. Fuck off and your fucking fired!”

* * *

Back at the hotel, Nicole stepped out of a hot tower. The shampoo provided by the hotel wasn’t at her standard. Maybe Nikki could take her out shopping; it’d be fun, at least more fun than shopping with Doc. To her, the man had no personality nor taste. Speaking of which, It was almost eleven in the morning. Where is Nikki?

She heard door knock and quickly she ran to open it.

But it wasn't Nikki; instead, it was two men in suits.

“Nicole?” One of them asked.

“Yes?” Nicole was surprised. “Can I help you?”

They flashed their badges. “DPD. We need you to come down to the precinct with us. You have five minutes to get dressed.”

Nodded, Nicole closed the door and got changed. She wondered why the police is here and what they would want to talk to her about. She assumed the girl Roxy had called the police after Tommy kicked her off the tour bus. She was there and that naturally made her a witness to the incident. After getting dressed, Nicole decided she’d tell the authority exactly what she saw. No hard feelings; although she liked Tommy, he did hit Roxy and it was wrong.

The cops raised an eyebrow after seeing the dress she wore. “That’s a very nice dress,” one of them commented.

‘Oh I know,” Nicole replied, trying not to grin. Yeah, her fashion choice was indeed pretty good.

* * *

At the police precinct, Nicole sat alone until one of the officers came. He bought drinks and pizza.

“Nicole?”

“Yes,” she nodded. 

He offered her a slice of pizza.

“No thanks,” Nicole pushed it away. “It’s too much for me.”

“You don’t eat?” 

“Not very much,” she said.

“What do you eat generally?”

“Fruits, broths, warm veggies.”

“On a diet?”

“It’s for my job.”

“Oh what do you do?” 

“I’m a model,” Nicole said. “My pictures are featured in _Seventeen Magazine_.”

“Never heard of it,” the officer said. “Can you tell me what are you doing in Denver?”

“Touring with Motley Crue.”

“Are you one of their back up singers?”

“No,” Nicole shook her head. “Nikki invited me to come along.”

“Nikki as NIkki Sixx?”

“Yeah.”

“How long have you known him?”

“For like…” Nicole counted with her fingers. _Day 1, photoshoot; Day 2, he showed me around in LA; Day 3, he took me on tour; Day 4, Tommy hits Roxy; Day 5, the performance; and that makes today Day 6._ “Six days in total.”

“You know him for less than a week and a big rock star like him invited you to join him on his tour?” He found it hard to believe. “How did you meet him?”

“At a photoshoot,” Nicole replied. “It was to promote his band’s new album. I wasn’t supposed to be there but one of the girls got sick so I went.”

“How did he invite you to join his tour?”

“Well, he came to my place,” Nicole said, this time with slight hesitation. “I was taking out the trash and he asked me to come with him. He seemed upset.”

“What’s he upset about?”

“I don’t know,” Nicole said. “I asked him if he’s okay. He said he is.”

“And you just decided to go with him?”

“Yeah.”

The man looked at her and stared at her outfit. “Where did you get that dress?”

“White House Black Market,” she said. “It was for the Motley Crue concert.” 

“Why would you go to a Motley Crue concert in a dress like that?”

“I got style,” Nicole replied. “I didn’t pack anything because Nikki forced me-” Then she suddenly stopped. 

Now the officer saw a hole in her story. “Seconds ago you said Nikki Sixx invited you. Now you are saying that he took you against your well.”

“No,” Nicole changed her words. “He didn’t. He treated me very well. He even gave me a free ticket in the front row seat for his last performance. I know he has a bad boy image but he has been honest with me about the things he did in the past. I’m telling the truth here. He has been good to me.”

“So good to you that you are out in the public wearing nothing but a towel?” The police officer placed a photo on the table.

It was a picture of Nicole and Doc where she wore a dress made out of towels.

“It was not a towel,” Nicole explained. “It was a dress made out of towels. I didn’t have anything clean to wear. The hotel we stayed at didn't have laundry service. So I asked for more towels and folded them into a dress. Nikki didn't know. He went preparing with his band mates for the performance that night.” 

“Did you have sex with him? With Nikki Sixx?”

“That’s private!” Nicole was offended by his question. 

Yet, her reaction answered the officer’s question loud and clear.

The officer stopped with his questions and said, “Nicole, I don’t believe that you are telling me the whole truth. Suspect or not, withholding the truth from the authority is against the law. You will need a lawyer. I’m going to stop talking to you until you get one.”


	8. Shout at the Devil

Nicole called her father from the precinct. It was a phone call she never wanted to make. Nervously, she told him that she’s in trouble, even though she had no idea exactly what trouble she’s in. Her father instructed her not to say anything to anybody and was on his way to Denver. 

She knew it’d be a long talk afterwards. 

What does the police want from her anyway? While it looked like they were investigating Nikki, they treated her like a suspect too. 

Since the cops never mentioned Roxy, obviously it had nothing to do with the fight between Roxy and Tommy. Where did that picture of her and Doc come from? Was someone stalking her? All these questions went through her head until she remembered the towels she wore when she shopped with Doc. After putting on the new dress, she left the towels in the fitting room. Maybe the hotel manager wasn’t happy about the missing towel? Fine, if that’s the case, she’ll apologize and replace it. 

By the time her father arrived, it was almost night. 

“Nicole,” he was aghast upon seeing her. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Dad,” Nicole said, hugging him. 

“What happened to you?”

“I don’t know,” Nicole replied honestly. “The cops bombarded me with a bunch of questions. I think someone is following me.”

“Are you sick?”

“No, why?”

“You were not this thin when you moved out of the house.”

“Dad, everyone is this thin in the modeling industry,” Nicole said as-a-matter-of-factly. “It’s okay. My real concern is that these cops might want to throw me in jail for stealing.”

“What did you steal?”

“Towels,” Nicole said. “I know, I’m not proud of it. I took some towels from a hotel I was staying at and I didn’t return them. So I guess the hotel manager called the police.”

“Are you even listening to yourself?” Her father asked, trying to keep a straight face. “Which hotel did you take the towels from?”

“It was a hotel in California.”

“Where are these towels now?”

“I left them in a White House Black Market store.”

“In Denver?”

“No, somewhere in California.”

“Do you even think it’s possible for the Denver PD to arrest you for taking hotel towels in California and leaving them in California?” He let out a sigh and asked, “What did you tell the police?”

“I…” Suddenly it came to her that the cops know about her relationship with Nikki. Her dad would have a massive heart attack if he knew his only daughter lost her virginity to Nikki Sixx. “I told them why I came to Denver.”

“It’s for your job right? You are doing a photoshoot?”

“Actually no,” Nicole said. “I’m here to attend a concert.”

“What concert?”

“Motley Crue.”

“Are you talking about the four long-haired crazy men who dressed up like hookers?”

“Dad, I know you would not approve, but let me explain, their music is-”

“Let’s get you out of this mess and go home,” her father said, running out of his patience. 

The door opened and a detective entered. He was older and Nicole had not seen him before. “I see that you got yourself an attorney.”

“Tom Ireland,” her father introduced himself. “I’m also her father and you can talk to me.”

“You are lucky then.” He eyed Nicole and spoke to Tom, “I’m Detective Johnson. I have nothing against your daughter. We appreciate her honesty but I’m afraid the more she talks the more trouble she’s getting herself into.”

“Can you tell us what is this all about?” Tom asked him.

Detective Johnson showed him that picture of Nicole and Doc going into White House Black Market. “This is Doc McGee. We have arrested him on the charges of drug smuggling. Mr. McGee is the manager for Motley Crue, or as he puts it, former manager because Nikki Sixx just fired him. We found it interesting that your daughter is with Mr. McGee and wearing only a towel. Mr. McGee told us that your daughter is only Nikki Sixx’s girlfriend. Now, I don’t believe your daughter is involved with McGee’s activities. However, based on what she told us, we are concerned that she is not with Nikki Sixx voluntarily.”

Nicole peeked at her dad's facial expression.

“What did that animal do to you?” Tom demanded. “Did he starve you-” 

“No, he didn’t hurt me, Dad,” Nicole defended Nikki. “He’s very nice to me. The bad boy image was just a show. He has a heart of gold and helps those who are in need.”

“Is this Nikki Sixx we’re talking about?” Detective Johnson asked. “Bass player of Motley Crue?”

“Yes,” Nicole insisted. “He’s not just a bass player. He wrote the songs they played. He’s very talented.”

“Okay, forget about his talents,” Detective Johnson said. “Let me ask you this: what happened the day you joined him on his tour?”

Nicole looked at her dad and then at the detective. “I was taking out the trash and he was there at my apartment building. He was upset and I think he was crying. I asked him if he’s alright, and he said he is. Then he asked me to join him on his tour. I said no at first, because I had a job opportunity in Europe. He was a little insistent and I decided to go with him because...I felt sorry for him. He needed someone to care. I know you will never believe me, but it's the truth.”

“How did you meet him?” Tom asked.

“Dad, musicians and models….it’s a small world.”

“Is this you?” Detective Johnson placed an album cover on the table. It featured a photo of the Motley Crue with the title _Girls, Girls, Girls;_ and Nicole was in it next to Nikki, who had his arms around her waist and nose in her hair. 

“Dad, these are just poses,” Nicole said quickly even though she wasn’t so convinced herself. Now she understood Dave's concerns. Nikki never just wanted to be a friend. 

“At least you have your clothes on,” Tom said nonchalantly.

“Miss Ireland,” Detective Johnson went back to the original subject. “Tell me the truth: are you with Nikki Sixx voluntarily?”

Nicole nodded. “Yes.”

“Are you familiar with the term Stockholm Syndrome?”

“Yeah, I read about it,” Nicole replied. “It is when hostages developed feelings towards their abductors. I don’t have Stockholm Syndrome.”

“Okay, if you insist,” the detective sighed. “If that’s the case, we don’t have any reason to pursue this matter any further. You are lucky to have your dad. Take my advice, go home and find yourself a new boyfriend.”

* * *

Nicole walked out of the precinct in silence; Tom didn’t say a word either. At least she was not in any legal trouble. But what’s next?

“Dad…” She began but Tom turned away from her. She knew he’s mad. “Dad, please, it’s not what you think.”

She waited for her father to face her. Finally, after the longest wait in her life, she saw him slowly turned around with great reluctance. “You are moving back home, Nicole. Your modeling career is over. You are starting college. You are grounded until you graduate.”

“No, Dad, please don’t do this to me,” Nicole begged. “It’s my dream.”

“Look at yourself,” Tom said. “You have dark circles under your eyes. You are nothing but skins and bones! I don’t care what other models do because they are not my daughter! And you will not see that Nikki Sixx again, ever!”

“You don’t know him Dad,” Nicole was losing her voice. “If you meet him, you will see that he’s not a bad person at all. He loves me.”

“You are a fool to believe that!” Tom rebuked. “Musicians are the last people who know how to love! That Motley Crue is the most disgusting band! They think they’re gods because their brains are damaged by the drugs. Nicole, I hope and I pray that you are not-”

“No, I’m clean, I promise,” Nicole said. “I never saw Nikki do drugs. He only drinks beer.”

“Nicole, you were taken to the precinct because of his manager’s drug smuggling! You could’ve ended up in jail! You are fortunate the detectives are nice enough to advise you to call me. No one in rock and roll is clean! This conversation is over. We’re going home.”

“Can I at least say goodbye to him?” Nicole said, holding back her tears. “I can’t just leave him like this.”

“Only if the Berlin Wall falls,” Tom said coldly. “And it never will. It will forever split Germany as Germany deserves to be. You only have one choice Nicole. You can be my daughter or be with Nikki Sixx. Choice is yours.”

* * *

On the plane, Nicole sat by the window as tears fell from her eyes incessantly. Wiping her tears, she noticed a bracelet on her wrist; it was something she never owned. Did Nikki give it to her? 

Her career, relationship, and independence - all ended. After landed in LA, she moved back home; her contract with the modeling agency ended; and she spent most of her days in her room, either reading or sleeping. The only hours she spent outside her room were the early mornings when she took a two-hour walk. The only meal she ate was breakfast. Although her father ordered her to apply for college, Nicole never completed the application. Months went by, she became thinner and thinner.

“Do you really believe that he loves you?” Tom asked her and threw a newspaper in front of her. “He had forgotten you. He’s married now.” Nicole saw a picture of the Motley Crue band at a wedding with a bride. “Dad, the groom is not Nikki. It’s his drummer, Tommy.”

 _And that Tommy does move on fast,_ Nicole thought.

“Honey, I know you are mad at me, but don’t torture yourself,” Tom took her hand. “I want the best for you. Musicians are the last people who’d have a stable relationship. After I learned about you and that Nikki Sixx, I had a nightmare. I dreamed that Nikki lit you on fire on the stage. I screamed and cried but no one helped. I watched helplessly as you were burned into ashes. Nikki Sixx is a guy who lit fire on himself. I don’t know how much money he makes but I know none of them went to his bank account. Drug abuse, unstable relationships, drink and drive...life with him will never be safe.”

“It has nothing to do with Nikki, Dad,” Nicole said. “I just like the way I am.”

“What are you saying?” Tom was alarmed.

“Long walks and dieting, I’ve been doing it before modeling,” Nicole confessed. “I like being thin. When I’m thin, I’m beautiful. When I don’t eat, there’s something for me that needs to be done. Once I’m full, life has no meaning. Nikki tried to convince me to eat more, but seeing that I don’t like it, he stopped. He does love me, just like you loved Mom.”

Tom was out of words.

“I don’t have a career anymore and my dream is broken. All I have is myself and my skin and bones.”

* * *

Tom was at a loss. He did not know what to do. As the holidays approached, he called Nicole’s Aunt Toni. “Nicole is in trouble,” he said. “Please come and talk to her.”

Aunt Toni was someone special to Nicole. She took care of Nicole after her mother passed away. When she arrived, she was shocked by Nicole's condition as well. She baked a coconut cake, knowing it’s Nicole’s favorite. “December 23rd,” she lit the candles. “Happy 20th sweetie!” Nicole blew the candles but staring at the cake instead of eating it.

“Why are you not eating your cake, honey?” Aunt Toni asked.

“One bite is not going to hurt you,” Tom said.

“No, it’s my heart,” Nicole said. 

“What’s the matter?” Her father stood.

“It’s racing,” Nicole muttered before she fainted.

* * *

When she came to, she found herself chained up. Nikki, in his costume and makeup from _Shout at the Devil_ , came towards her, followed by Tommy, Mick and Vince. Each band member brought a dish. Mick brought a salad; Tommy, pork; Vince, macaroni and cheese; and Nikki, spaghetti and meatballs.

"No, go away!" She shouted. 

"Open your mouth, baby," Nikki coaxed like he did before. "Eat."

Nicole refused to open her mouth. Nikki eyed his band mates. Mick and Tommy went to her; Tommy forced her mouth to open and Mick held her nose. Nikki began to feed spaghetti and meatballs into her mouth. The food made her so sick in the stomach that she vomited. Nikki gently wiped her mouth. "Let's try again."

Vince handed him a straw and Nikki inserted it into her nostril. The straw became longer and longer as he inserted deeper and deeper. 

It was so painful that tears filled her eyes.

"Shh," Nikki pressed his face against hers. "I know it hurts, baby. It is for your own good."

"You are a devil," Nicole muttered.

"No, baby. The devil is the disease in your head," he said in her ear and stroked the bracelet on her wrist. "Shout at the devil."

"I can't," she said. "Unless Germany unifies."

“Nothing is impossible,” Nikki said, kissing her eyelids. "Come on baby. Shout, shout, shout..."

"Shout," she tried but she barely had any voice. "Shout...Shout..."

* * *

"Is she saying something?" The doctor asked.

The nurse listened closely and then said, "Shout."

"She'll live," he said. "Patient is a female, just turned twenty, on NG intubation. Diagnosis: anorexia nervosa."

From afar, the hospital staff were talking about Nikki Sixx. He was dead last night, they said, for two minutes before a paramedic revived him with two adrenaline shots in the heart.


	9. Same Ol' Situation

With a plastic tube in her body, Nicole was bound in a hospital bed for six weeks. There was nothing to do except for watching TV. Aunt Toni stayed by her side and together, the two watched _The Labyrinth_. 

“Honey, I think you’d be perfect to play Sarah,” Aunt Toni said. “You’ll look fantastic in that ball gown.”

Nicole didn't care much about Sarah; instead, she was more interested in Jareth the Goblin King. He was supposed to be the bad guy, but Nicole found him so attractive that she’d stay with him had she been Sarah. The ballroom scene was so romantic.

And the Goblin King reminded her of Nikki.

Her feelings towards Nikki were more complicated than ever. From the news, she learned about his death and his debauchery lifestyle in precise details with pictures as evidence. These hard facts hit her like bullets. The man whom she was with and whom she thought had loved her was the last person she should get involved with - drug abuse, group sex, DUIs. How many women had he slept with? How many of them had ended up in a precinct or even worse, in jail? Come think of it, it’s all his fault she ended up where she is.

Warnings from photographer Dave, her makeup artist Linda, and her father were far from exaggerations. She was a fool to not believe them.

Had he not shown up at her apartment building or in her life at all, she’d probably be the next Kate Moss by now. But no, she all bound up with tubes in her body. She had lost her precious long hair too. Aunt Toni tried to brush her out but found too many knots. 

“It’ll grow back,” Aunt Toni promised her as she cut Nicole’s hair to shoulder’s length. “The sooner you get better, the faster it’ll grow back.”

Nicole loved her long hair.

Nikki did too.

No job, no independence, and now the loss of her beautiful hair…

“Nicole,” Aunt Toni began. “If modeling is not working out for you, we can try acting. I can make some arrangements with my team. We can create a character for you in _General Hospital_. You’ll be in front of a camera, just like modeling.”

“But I won’t be me,” Nicole said. “I’ll have to be someone else.”

“The character can be written based on you.”

“Did Dad tell you?” Nicole changed the subject. “I was seeing someone.”

“No,” Aunt Toni replied, wondering if that’s the reason behind her eating habit. “Who’s your boyfriend?”

“He’s a rock star,” Nicole said. “He loved my hair.”

Those were the only facts she knew about Nikki. 

“If he loves you for you, he will love you even if you were bald.”

“Really?” 

“Do you still love him?” Aunt Toni asked.

“I thought I knew him,” Nicole muttered, not answering the question. “But I don’t.”

“First love is always the hardest,” Aunt Toni pointed out. “Tell me, what is his name?”

Nicole played with the bracelet on her wrist. Although she blamed him for her misfortunes, she was still thinking of him. 

* * *

The world is big as it is small.

Doug Thaler, Motley Crue’s new manager, headed down to the studio where he found the Motley Crue recording on their new album _Dr. Feelgood_. Nikki, now sober, was turning into a perfectionist to a T. He was grilling Vince, who kept on giving him a finger. Tommy couldn’t stop making faces and Mick was just there. The four were back on track with a new tour.

Drug free and life is good.

Unlike Doc McGee, Doug was more honest and had a bigger vision. He provided some sort of tough love the boys needed. The best thing he did for them was staging an intervention. Vince already had a jail term for his DUI; Nikki died for two minutes from heroin overdose; sooner or later, one of them would’ve ended up in a body bag. Doug put his foot down and canceled their European tour. The deal was that the Motley Crue had to get clean first. 

Vince, Tommy, and Nikki went to rehab and Mick got clean on his own.

Without drugs clouding his mind, Nikki could feel everything; and the first thing came to him was his broken heart.

_Nicole…_

She brought him the happiness and warmth he never knew. The girl had a big dream with her modeling career, even though he saw it as mediocre at best. She didn’t need to work. He could give her the moon had she asked for it.

She came to his life as unexpectedly as she had disappeared.

He didn’t search for her not just because of his intense tour itinerary.

Perhaps he liked the old ways - where sex was nothing other than a handshake. 

But it hurt.

The loss of Nicole drove him deeper into the arms of heroin, whom he nicknamed the girl with golden eyes. 

“Hey guys, we have a visitor,” Doug said to them. “My friend, Antoinette Courtin. She’s the executive producer of _General Hospital_.”

A classy, middle-aged woman, Antoinette went to Mick and gave him a peck on the cheek. “I heard you are a good guy,” she said. Next, she went to Tommy. She gave him a hug but then smacked him hard across the face. “If you dare to lay your hands on another girl!” She spoke to Vince through the glass, assuming he could read lips. “You keep it in your pants!” Vince gave her a big smile and a thumbs up. Finally, she turned to Nikki. “Nikki? I like to speak with you alone.”

The two went to a conference room. Antoinette took out a bracelet from her purse. It was made out of beads with Japanese kanjis on it.

Nikki recognized it and immediately panicked. “You know Nicole?” He asked, fearing the worst.

“Yes,” Antoinette said. “She is my niece. Doug is an old friend of mine.”

“Small world,” Nikki remarked.

“Isn’t it?” Antoinette said. “I’m very happy that you sobered up. You are the luckiest man in the world.”

Nikki gave her an uneasy smile.

“You can call me Aunt Toni,” she went on. “You are lucky, and so is Nicole. Her father is too. You know his name, Tom Ireland, isn’t his real name?”

Just like Nikki Sixx wasn’t his.

“Nicole doesn’t know. She thinks she’s Irish, but her father is Czech. One fateful day, the German Nazi rounded up everyone in his village and slaughtered them all, except for Tom and very few survivors. His real name was Jan Bilek. He survived World War II and came here after political unrest in Czechoslovakia. I don’t know why, but he changed his name to Tom Ireland. He was troubled before he met Nicole’s mother. When she had Nicole, she didn’t make it. Tom never married again and Nicole is his one and only child. He always tries to protect her.”

She looked at him and found his green eyes very soft and gentle. 

“Was Nicole like this when she’s with you?” She asked him.

“Yeah,” Nikki said, knowing what she’s referring to. “She barely ate anything. I have to feed her, but she wasn’t happy so I stopped.”

“Doug put his foot down but he saved your life,” Aunt Toni said. “It’s the same situation, isn’t it? Yous and Nicole’s. She collapsed on her birthday. It was December 23rd.”

The exact same day Nikki died.

“Where is she now?”

“Back home,” Aunt Toni said. “She was in the hospital for six weeks. They inserted a tube down to her stomach. She could’ve died. The nurse said she was muttering the word ‘shout’ under her breath before gaining consciousness.” She paused and added, “You and Nicole, I believe you can see in each other what others can’t. If you still love her, can you help her? I’m afraid that sooner or later she’ll end up back in the hospital again.”

Nikki was silent. “Would she want me to?”

“Let her give you the answer.”

* * *

Nicole was in her room, sitting before a mirror and measuring her hair. She was happy that her hair grew back. Since being discharged, her eating habits improved. Not because she was trying to gain weight, but because she wanted her hair to grow back sooner and faster. 

Her hair became her new obsession. Morning and night, she was cutting off her split ends.

After her hair grew long again, she resumed her old eating habits, only more discreetly this time. She bought a book on calories and memorized every line of that book. She was eating but very selective of her food. Her father was glad that she’s eating but she couldn’t fool Aunt Toni. 

Just as Aunt Toni feared, Nicole began to lose weight again. A smile of victory flashed on her face when she stepped on the scale. Her body was hers and this was what she wanted. 

“Nicole,” Aunt Toni went to her room with a cup of tea. “Would you like to go on a trip?”

“To where?”

“Europe, and maybe Canada.”

“Maybe sometimes in the future, not now.”

All she wanted to do was stay in her room and take care of her hair. 

“Have some tea,” Aunt Toni said. “It got the exact beauty ingredient you need.”

* * *

Her room was never this cold. 

Her bed was never this small. 

Noises were in the background too. 

Rubbing her eyes, Nicole got up to use the bathroom. She tried to open the door, but it was locked. She started to shake the door handle. 

“Baby,” a familiar voice said behind her. 

“Dad, what the heck,” Nicole murmured. “Are you trying to lock me up?” She turned away but tripped over and hit her head.

“Baby, you got to be careful there,” he said and guided her to a seat. 

_Baby?_

Her dad never called her baby.

Yawning, it took her minutes to realize that she wasn’t even in her room in the first place. She found Vince, Tommy, and Mick looking at her. Vince and Mick still looked the same; Tommy got a new haircut. Vince waved at her and Nicole awkwardly waved back. Sitting right next to her was Nikki, holding an ice pack against her forehead.

“Am I dreaming?” She asked.

“No, this is real,” Nikki said. “You are touring with us. We’re heading to Germany, baby.”


	10. Dr. Feelgood

Nikki held an ice pack against her forehead, but Nicole wasn’t looking at him. He offered her a snacker bar, but she didn’t take it either. Nikki found her thinner than the last time he saw her. If she were to lose another pound or two, she’d look like a Halloween zombie. 

“Baby, what’s the matter?” He asked, playing with her hair.

“What’s the matter?” Nicole finally spoke, with bitterness. “I lost my career. I lost my independence. And now I lost my freedom. For your information, it is all your fault.”

“Baby, you are being unreasonable,” Nikki chuckled. “How is it be my fault?”

“Your manager, whose name I don’t know, the one with the pot belly….got arrested for drug smuggling. The police took me down there for questioning. I almost went to jail. I called my dad from the police precinct and the next thing I know, my modeling career ended.”

Holding down his laugh, Nikki said, “Okay, what do I have anything to do with it?”

“You hired that pot belly man!”

“And?” Nikki couldn’t keep his face straight anymore. “By the way, his name is Doc.”

“And,” Nicole faced him. “And because you took me away from my apartment without letting me pack anything, I didn’t have anything to wear for your concert. Doc took me out shopping and the cops were following him. Long story short, they took me as his accomplice.”

“Oh!” Vince and Tommy laughed upon hearing that. 

“That was just bad luck,” Nikki said. “You didn’t need to wear a dress that fancy anyway.”

“Well, I needed something else to wear. My clothes got dirty!”

She could hear Tommy and Vince giggling in the back.

“Why didn’t you call me when you were at the police station?” Nikki asked. “I gave you my number.”

“The cops said I should get a lawyer,” Nicole said with her arms folded. “I wouldn’t have to do that had I not been defending you. I thought you’re the one in trouble. I told the cops that you are a good guy and none of them believed me. They said I need a lawyer and my dad is a lawyer.”

“Yeah, Tom Ireland,” Nikki nodded, touched by the fact that she defended him. He remembered why she’s special to him in the first place. “I heard of him. Never thought that’s your dad.”

“Doc told the police that I was with you; and the police told my dad. My dad got mad. He took me home and told me that my modeling career has ended and that I can never see you again unless the Berlin Wall falls.”

She could hear Tommy sniffling and Vince blew his nose.

“I could’ve been the next Kate Moss, but that came to nothing,” she went on. “I wanted to live on my own, that came to nothing. Just as I decided to accept my new life, stay at home and take care of Sissi, I ended up here.”

“Who’s Sissi?”

“Nobody,” Nicole muttered.

Sissi was the name she gave to her long hair, but Nikki assumed it’s a dog or cat.

“Baby, come here,” he pulled her into his arms. “I’m going to say something helpful, but it’s going to hurt. Baby, my love, you never had a career.”

“What?” Nicole was offended.

“A career can’t be given to you. You have to fucking earn it. When I first saw you, I thought you were a die hard fan of Motley Crue who wants to pose with us with the help of your well-connected rich parents. I couldn’t believe my fucking ears when Dave gave you the option to pick whom to pose with. You never wanted to be a model. You want to be a princess.”

“That's not true!” Now Nicole was mad.

“Didn't you tell me in the strip club in Denver that you want to live in a palace?”

“I said I want to live in a  _ castle _ !” Nicole defended herself. “You are the one who said that I am beautiful in my photoshoot.”

“I did, as your friend,” Nikki said. “But as an artist and entertainer, and a guy, I have to say your photoshoots are banal and forgettable. It may look great on the walls of your bedroom but not on magazine covers.”

“My friends and Aunt Toni said my pictures look magnificent!” 

“Friends and family don’t count,” Nikki said. “They’re saying that to make you happy.”

“My photos are featured in the  _ Seventeen Magazine _ !”

“I don't even know what that is, ” Nikki said. “And just because your father said you can’t be a model anymore, you quit? Fuck you dad, if you want it, you have to fight for it. Your biggest enemy is yourself. You think my dream of being a rock star was all handed to me on a fucking plate? When I started, I…” He leaned towards her ear and whispered.

“What?” Nicole was in disbelief. “I can’t believe you did that!”

“Yeah, I told you that I’m no saint, and then,” he whispered something else in her ear.

“Wow,” Nicole muttered. “Nikki Sixx, you are one fucking badass.”

Nikki burst out laughing. He opened the snack bar and fed her a piece.

“Wait, Nikki,” Nicole stopped him before he could feed her another. “You have some explaining to do.” 

“What?”

“Who are the girls you were with?”

“Which ones?”

“I saw it on the news,” Nicole said. “Pictures. You were with a bunch of girls.”

“Those were taken before I met you,” Nikki said. “When I was with you, I was with nobody else until you disappeared on me.”

“You got a paper?” Nicole asked. “I want you to write down all the names of the girls you loved.”

Nikki asked for a pen and paper from Doug. He put on his glasses and began writing. She found him rather nerdy and bookish in his glasses. It was hard to believe that he’s the same guy who set himself on fire. She saw him scribbling and scribbling. Apparently, he was making a long list. 

“Here you go,” Nikki handed it to her.

It was two pages, front and back.

“Oh my god!” Nicole yelled. “How could there be so many strippers and prostitutes named Nicole?”

Now even Mick was laughing.

“Baby, you asked me the names of the girls I loved,” Nikki explained himself. “And that’s Nicole. You are the one and only Nicole I ever know.” 

Now she was crying. 

“Baby,” he wiped her face. “You are staying with me and I’m gonna show you what success is really like. If you want to go home, you can leave any time you want. But you can’t leave without telling me. Last time you disappeared on me, you left a hole in my heart. It fucking hurt and it’s still healing. Don’t ever do that to me again.”

Nicole was about to argue but decided not to. 

How could it be her fault? Didn’t she tell him that the cops took her from the hotel because of Doc?

* * *

They landed in Germany and unlike the last time, they didn’t head to a strip bar. Instead, they went straight to their performance. Nicole followed Nikki. She was in his dressing room, watched as he got ready - all by himself, without any assistance from a makeup artist or hair stylist. He knew exactly what he want and what he is doing. After he was finished, he walked her out; she went with Doug as he went on the stage. 

“I know your Aunt Toni,” Doug told her.

“She told me about you,” Nicole said. “She said a lot of good things about you.”

_ Actually, she said that you are bad in bed. _

“The boys had been through a lot,” Doug said. “Nikki had it rough. They came a long way.”

“I saw it on the news,” Nicole said. “About Nikki. I didn’t know that he’s doing  _ that _ .”

“He was running away from himself,” Doug said. “The previous album could’ve been better, though I’d say it’s trash. None of them were in the right mind set when they made it.”

“Nikki wrote all the songs, didn’t he?”

“He did,” Doug nodded. “Not even drugs can slow him down.”

“He’s clean now.”

“And he wrote the best song of his life,” Doug said. “Comebacks are the best. Why don’t you go see their performance? You have the front row seat. It’d mean a lot to Nikki.”

* * *

After the show ended, the guys headed to the hotel. The itinerary was intense; tomorrow was their next performance in a different city. If Nicole thought she’d have the time to tour Europe, then she’s wrong. There was no time for that at all; it was touring with Motley Crue.

Aunt Toni had packed her suitcase. Inside, she left her a note.

_ NiNi, I know you are mad at me, but you will thank me later. _

NiNi was her nickname back when she was very little. She hadn’t been called by that name for a long time.

At the hotel, she and Nikki slept in the same room. It wasn’t awkward for her, since she had spent the night with him before. He wrapped his arms around her and played with her long hair like his favorite toy. She found Nikki’s hands gigantic compared to hers; and there were new tattoos. 

“Hey Nikki, if you don’t mind me asking, what was it like when you died?”

“You really wanna know?” He said. “I left my body and I flew around. I could see the whole city was crying for me. I was floating, looking for something I couldn’t find, until the paramedic resuscitated me. I didn’t regain consciousness until I was in the hospital. I pulled out all the tubes and walked out. The stars were so bright.”

“Why did you shoot heroin?”

“Why do you not eat?” Nikki asked back.

“Sorry I asked,” Nicole said quietly. 

“What does it like to have a tube inserted into your stomach?”

“You knew?” Nicole wasn’t surprised, assuming Aunt Toni told him everything. “It hurt like hell. It was my 20th birthday, December 23rd.” She began to remove the bracelet on her wrist. “I should give this back to you.”

“No, you need it,” Nikki stopped her. “I can fight my demons.”

He buried his face into her hair. 

“I like you Nikki,” Nicole said. “I don’t care what everyone else says, I like the way you are. Why can’t you accept the way I am?”

“Why would you think that?” Nikki said against her hair. “You acted like a spoiled princess since the day I met you. I’d lose my fucking temper had you been someone else. You eat however you like to eat, as long as you are happy. It’s your choice.”

“Really?”

“Really,” he placed his hand on hers. “I don’t want to fight with you. I fought with my mom and hated every fucking part of it. But if your heart were to stop, there’s nothing I can do. I got fans among the paramedics, you don’t.”

His words kept her up all night. 

After Nikki was sound asleep, Nicole went out for a walk. She was in Germany, far away from home. She looked into the sky, and the stars were bright.

_ I got fans among the paramedics, you don’t. _

His fans must’ve really loved him to the point that they’d bring him back to life with whatever they got.

That night she collapsed, her heart was racing. Did it stop like Nikki’s? 

Despite what he said, he had always tried to feed her. 

Just like his paramedic fan who to revived him.

Looking at her hands under the moonlight, for the first time, Nicole found them bony.

_ Maybe gaining a pound or two won’t hurt. _


	11. Ten Seconds of Love

It was the second time he slept with her in his arms.

After rehab, he had to relearn how to eat, sleep, wake up, feel, and think without heroin. Coke and zombie dust were out of his life as well. The girl by his side was not a dream or a hallucination. 

With his eyes closed, he reached out to play with her hair, but found her side of the bed empty. Nikki immediately got up and looked around. When he heard the shower from the bathroom, he sighed in relief. 

Naked, he went into the bathroom and pulled open the shower curtain.

“Morning babe-”

But instead of Nicole, it was Tommy.

“What the fuck?!”

Nikki bolted out of the bathroom. The memory of losing Nicole in Denver came back to him. 

“Sorry man,” Tommy came out of shower with a towel around his waist. “Water isn’t working in my room. So I thought I could drop by here.”

It was odd that the Terror Twins were up in the morning. Before rehab, neither got up until five in the evening.

“Nicole is gone,” Nikki said, putting on his pants. “I have to go find her.”

“Relax man, I’m sure she’s around,” Tommy said. 

The door opened and Nicole waltzed in with two cups of coffee and some postcards. She was surprised to find a shirtless Nikki with Tommy, who wore nothing but a towel.

“Oh,” she laughed. “I brought coffee but only for two.” She smiled at Tommy and Tommy smiled back at her, before waving them goodbye and dashed out of the door.

Nikki pulled her into his arms and held her in a death grip. “Where were you?”

“I went out for a walk and got us coffee,” Nicole replied, trying to breathe. “You are holding me too tight.”

“Don’t ever fucking disappear on me like that, ever again,” Nikki said in an serious and accusatory tone, though he relaxed his grip. “You scared the hell out of me.” 

“Sorry, I saw you were sleeping,” Nicole said, rubbing his arm. “I didn’t want to disturb you. I thought you need your rest after last night’s performance.”

“Baby, don’t,” he pressed his forehead against hers. “I don’t care where I am or what I’m doing, but if you are going somewhere, you gotta tell me.”

“Okay,” Nicole nodded.

“Promise?”

“Scouts honor.”

He cupped her face. “Baby, when you disappeared in Denver, I thought I lost you forever. September 29th...two years and sixteen days...Did the cops mistreat you at the precinct?”

“No, they only asked a lot of questions.”

“And your dad? Was he hard on you when he learned that you were with me?”

“He wasn’t thrilled,” Nicole admitted.

“He didn’t hit you or anything, did he?”

“No,” she shook her head. “My dad would never do that.”

Police brutality and abuse from parents, he endured it all.

Kissing her hard, he pushed her onto the bed.

“Hey Nikki, what time are we checking out?” Nicole asked. 

“Don’t,” he said, pressing his finger against her lips. “Let’s make up for the time we lost.”

* * *

Vince, Tommy, and Mick were in the lobby. Doug was on the phone, very frustrated. The Germans are supposed to be fluent in English, or so he heard; but the person on the other end of the phone line spoke very poor English with a heavy accent. The front desk receptionist wasn’t helping either. “Hey, does anyone speak English and German?” He asked the three Motley Crue members, while looking at other others. 

“Greek,” Tommy shrugged.

“A little Spanish,” Vince said.

“Don’t look at me,” Mick said. 

Doug had arranged a bus to take them to their next designation, Frankfurt. Apparently, something was lost in translation.

And there was no sign of Nikki either.

“If that bass player is not coming down, then we are leaving without him!” Vince was losing his patience. Already, he was not a happy camper with Nikki implementing the sober band rule.

“Just chill man,” Tommy said, annoyed with Vince’s whininess. “It’s not like we are going anywhere.”

Maybe he could use this time to give his wife Heather a call. 

He went to a pay phone and saw the elevator going up and down. Other customers wondered what’s going on too. Finally, the elevator reached to the ground floor. Nikki came out dragging the luggage with one hand and Nicole with his other.

“Nikki, you are unbelievable!” Nicole spat. “Why can’t I take the stairs?”

“I said we are taking the elevator, and we are taking the elevator.”

“We could’ve gotten to the ground floor way sooner had you let me take the stairs!”

“Baby, if you want your way, you have to fight for it,” Nikki said. “You have no chance against me.”

She was about to say something back but saw everyone looking at her. Apparently, she was oblivious of the red hickies on her neck. 

“ _Wen guckst du an_ !” She said to them loudly. “ _Ich bin mit einem Rockstar zusammen. Er denkt, er ist Gott!_ ”

Nikki raised an eyebrow. He didn’t know Nicole speaks German.

“Oh thank goodness! Nicole, come here!” Doug went to grab her. He handed her the phone and said, “I need your help! I can’t understand this woman.”

After ten minutes of conversation, Nicole resolved the problem. “We got our bus. It’s going to be here at noon sharp!”

“Where did you learn German?” Tommy asked.

“Back in school,” Nicole said proudly. “I was the top of my class.”

* * *

On the bus, Nicole sat by the window and took out her camera. 

“Baby,” Nikki kissed her shoulder as she took pictures.

“Nikki, stop. I can’t focus!”

“Come on, I need you.”

“Nikki, this is my very time in Germany. Oh hold on, there’s a castle!” 

But she missed it.

Because Nikki was blocking her view with his hands.

“Nikki, seriously!”

He took her camera away. 

“Baby, you are not here to tour Europe,” he insisted. “You are here touring with the Motley Crue, which means your center of attention should be...” He pointed at himself, and particularly his heart.

Vince popped his head between them. “Hey Nicole, if I want to get a quickie, how do I say that in German?” 

“ _Plazchen_ ,” Nicole replied with a pause. “You can also say ‘ _ich will einen Keks_.’”

“Can you write it down?” 

She wrote it down and handed it to him. 

“All right! This tour is going to be a blast!” Vince said happily and went to the back.

Nikki pulled her onto his lap. He peeled an orange and fed her. Throughout the ride, he had his arms around her. Finally, when he went to chat with his bandmates, the sun was already set. Nicole was disappointed. She thought it’d be an opportunity for sightseeing.

* * *

“How do you say it?” Nikki asked, after he got ready in the dressing room. “Plazchen?”

“Yep, you pronounced it correctly,” Nicole said. 

“How about a _Plazchen_ with me?” He snaked his arms around her and covered her face with kisses.

“No thanks,” Nicole said. “You know I don’t eat these things.”

“What?” Now he looked confused.

“Remember you said that I can eat however I like to eat?” Nicole reminded him.

“Wait, what does Plazchen really mean?”

“Cookie,” Nicole replied.

Nikki broke down laughing; he laughed so hard that he bent his back - and this time it was not because of the drugs. He gave her a big kiss and whispered something in her ear. Nicole was shocked and embarrassed. 

“Oh no, I have to tell Vince,” she said.

“No, let it be,” Nikki said. _Too funny._

“My first time as an interpreter and I failed,” Nicole said in disappointment.

“Baby, you did perfect,” Nikki said.

“I studied German in secret,” she said. “Dad hates anything German. I never know why.” 

“Give your Aunt Toni call,” Nikki said, giving her another kiss. He took his thunderbird and joined his band mates on stage.

* * *

As Nikki and his band mates performed, Nicole was on the phone with Aunt Toni. She missed her favorite aunt and wanted a moment by herself. She and Aunt Toni had a long conversation.

* * *

From Frankfurt, they headed to Munich; and after that, Italy, Switzerland, then back to Germany; followed by Denmark, Finland, Norway, Sweden, France, and England. One performance per day; and one day at each designation. In France, Nicole only saw the beautiful Eiffel Tower from the hotel room. Yet, she didn’t mind. She went up to the tower summit several times in the past. Plus, she had something else to do. 

Doug and the band saw her with a yellow notepad, writing and drafting since they left Frankfurt. It was like she’s working on a project of some sort.

“What are you working on?” Nikki asked her when the group was out for dinner in Edinburgh.

“Something important,” Nicole replied. “Like how much music is important to you.”

Nikki peeked at the notepad. It was written in neat cursive and in German.

“Hey, you can’t write about what you saw and heard on this tour,” Vince warned. “I can sue you.”

“I’m writing a letter,” Nicole told the group. “To Herr Richard von Weizsäcker, the President of West Germany.” Seeing their reaction, she explained. “At Frankfurt, I learned from Aunt Toni about my family history. I never knew that I’m Czech. I thought I was Irish. Anyway, my father was a survivor of a German Nazi massacre. What they did to his village was atrocious. I want West Germany to issue an official apology.”

“That’s very bold and brave of you Nicole,” Doug said, nodding.

“You have his mailing address?” Nikki asked.

“ _Ja_ ,” Nicole said. “I did my research in Munich.”

“And why would he read your letter?” Tommy asked. “I mean he’s the President of West Germany and you…”

“Why would anyone listen to your music?” Nicole asked back. “You are the Motley Crue now but you weren’t when you started. There are a lot of famous individuals who started their career as an unknown. Honestly, I could’ve cared less if Herr Weizsacker read my letter or not. One voice is better than none. What the Germans did was wrong and they need to acknowledge that. Plus, it is not just for my father. It’s for their good too.”

“What do you mean?” Nikki asked. “If you are telling them they are the bad guys, how is it good for them?”

“Because they need to come clean,” Nicole stood her ground. “Everyone knows what happened in World War II. Films and photos are the hard evidence. If the Germans don’t want to be treated like a criminal by other countries for their deeds, then they need to admit what they did is wrong. I know the Germans regretted what they did, but an official apology and acknowledgement of their wrongdoings can earn back the respect from other countries. Herr Weizsäcker is a fine man. He’ll understand.”

Nikki became silent.

“And one other thing I learned from my dear Aunt Toni,” Nicole added, couldn’t stop smiling. “I’m not exactly a nobody.”

“Oh?” Doug raised an eyebrow.

“Aunt Toni told me that we, meaning me and her, are the only descendants of Princess Anne-Marie of Conti, a daughter of French King Louis XIV. There’s a castle in France that belonged to my mother’s ancestors. Can you believe it? I am Princess Nicole of Conti with a castle to claim!”

“How are you going to claim that castle?” Mick asked.

“Well, as of now, I don’t know,” Nicole said. “But one day, that castle will be in my name.”

“Have you ever seen this castle?” Doug asked.

“Not yet.”

“I don’t want to ruin your happiness sweetheart, but the castle itself comes with responsibilities,” Doug said. “You have to upgrade, remodel, and clean it. It’s a lot of work. It’s not going to happen by itself.”

“And France has abolished monarchy more than a century ago,” Mick added. 

“I know but you can still be a prince, duke or a count in name,” Nicole said. “Kind of like you guys. You are kings of rock and roll, but politically you don’t exist.”

“But we do something,” Mick said. 

“I’m not saying that you guys don’t,” Nicole laughed. “The point is that you guys feel special for being the Motley Crue as I feel special for being Princess of Conti.”

“Is it even official?” Vince asked. “Your title? You know, we are officially the top rock band.”

“Not yet,” Nicole said, blushing. “I only heard it from my Aunt Toni. After I finish this letter to Herr Weizsäcker, this will be my next project.”

Doug shook his head. The poor girl was completely brainwashed by her imaginative Aunt Antoinette Courtin. 

Nikki didn’t say a word but sank deep into his thoughts. 

* * *

“Baby, come to bed,” Nikki said. “I need some love.”

“Just a minute,” Nicole said, working at the desk in the hotel room. 

“Ten seconds.”

Nicole ignored him. 

Finally, out of patience, he picked her up from her seat. “Baby, bed now.”

“Nikki, I need to proofread this one last time,” Nicole said as Nikki cuddled with her. “No spelling error and no grammatical mistake.”

“Did you sign it yet?”

“The letter? Not yet.”

“Good,” he said. “Because you gotta use a name grander than Nicole Ireland.”

“Should I use my French title?”

“How about ‘Queen of the Sunset Strip’?” He kissed her cheek and her fingers.

“What?”

“Queen of Sunset Strip,” He stroked her face. “Living in a palace in Van Nuys.”

She thought for a moment and then said, “Yeah.”

She took it as a joke. She was too happy to head back to the US tomorrow. The whole tour had been tiresome. 

As for Nikki, he meant it in a totally different way.

After all, who else could be the King of Sunset Strip living in Van Nuys other than him?


	12. Too fast for love

Nicole leaned against Nikki on the plane; they were on their way back to US. 

Looking at her hands, she found them as bony as they were on the first night of the tour. Highly likely she didn’t gain any weight from this trip. Her eating habits hadn’t changed much and Nikki never said anything.

The letter she wrote to Herr Weizsacker was mailed out. She did not sign her name, leaving it anonymous. Partially, it was to prevent any future unwanted attention, meaning paparazzi and journalists surrounding her house with cameras and questions. She had considered using her real family name, Balek, but then decided against it. Since her father had changed his name and kept it a secret, it was very possible that he is a political refugee. From history class, she learned what Joseph Stalin did to Leon Trotsky. Certainly, she didn’t want to come home finding an ice peck sticking into her father’s head.

Would Herr Weizsacker ever receive her letter? Would he read it? Could she change history? Regardless of the outcome, Nicole was proud of herself for doing something righteous. She wouldn’t tell her Dad about it. Simply, moving forward, she wouldn’t mention anything related to Germany in his presence again.

“Home sweet home,” Nicole muttered to herself. “I can’t wait.”

“Oh baby, we are not going home,” Nikki said. 

“What?”

“The tour is not over,” he handed her the itinerary. After one glance, Nicole was shocked. The tour was to continue all the way to August 1990, which means Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year Eve, Memorial Day, July 4th... 

The longest vacation she ever had was two weeks. This tour itself was about a year long!

“Wow Nikki,” she was out of words.

“I know,” he said. “Ever been to Japan?”

“No,” she replied. “But Thanksgiving is coming up and I need to be with my family.”

He laughed. “I know. We are not performing on Thanksgiving. Vince and Tommy are having their family over. We are going to have a Motley Crue Thanksgiving.”

“Nikki, it’s been a month since I saw my dad.”

“So? Call him,” he said, interlacing his fingers with hers. “Tell him that you are spending Thanksgiving with me.” He gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek.

She looked at his bandmates. Vince was nodding and Tommy gave her a thumb up. 

So, is this her new family?

They only spent six days together before they were split up by fate or bad timing in Denver. After they reunited, they were together for nearly a month. No doubt, he wanted to be with her. But life with him? Touring all over the places, watching him perform the same songs over and over again, hanging out with his bandmates, and rest of the time sitting on his lap...Is this the life she wants?

“I’m going to give my dad a call after we land,” she said slowly. “I’ll see what he says.”

“Baby-”

“It’d be his first Thanksgiving without me.”

“We’ll have turkey, pies, mashed potatoes,” Nikki said. “And you can eat whatever you want.”

Now that got to her. In the past, holidays were difficult because friends and family kept filling her plates with food and urged her to eat a mountain. 

Nodding, she said, “Okay.”

* * *

“Out of question!” Her dad said sternly over the phone. “You’ve been away long enough!”

“Dad, please...”

“Are you staying with him because you want to or is he forcing you?”

“I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

“Honey, do you want to stay with him all the way up to Thanksgiving? Or is he giving you an ultimatum or some sort?”

“No,” Nicole shook her head. “That’s not it. He really wants me to be with him.”

“Thanksgiving means family. Family means parents, kids, spouse, and relatives. Where do you stand in his life? Or, what is he to you? He is no one of mine, I can tell you that.”

“His band mates are having their family over.”

“Doesn’t he have his own family? Mom? Dad? Kids that you don’t know about?”

“Dad, if he has kids he’d tell me already,” Nicole said. “I’m not stupid or blindly in love. His mother abandoned him and his father left his family when he was born. His grandparents probably passed away by now. I know you don’t trust him. He has been clean and honest with me since I met him. He is sober and no one drank or did any drug on this tour.”

“You really believe that?”

“I saw what I saw.”

“Nicole, I know how you are with your choices, so I’m not going to argue with you. I am your father and I want the best for you. Your Aunt Toni insisted that this Nicholas Sixx can help your condition. My concern is that you are getting too deep in a relationship that you are not ready for. How long have you known him? And you are already planning to spend Thanksgiving with him? And I am telling you this: I do not want any one of my grandchildren born a bastard. Don’t you ever think about coming home telling me that he left you pregnant. If that happens, you make your own bed.”

Nicole was silent.

“Are you coming home?”

She was not speaking. 

An alarming question came to her mind.

_ When was her last period? _

“Nicole, are you there?”

“Yes, Dad.”

“Are you coming home for Thanksgiving?”

“Dad, I’m going to stay with Nikki for Thanksgiving, but I’ll be home for Christmas.”

He left out a sigh. “I know you’d say that. Tell Nicholas that I wish him Happy Thanksgiving.”

* * *

They stayed in Arizona for ten days. Nikki took her to the Grand Canyon. Looking at the breathtaking scenery, her mind was elsewhere. She remembered her last period was in late September. Now it was November, which meant she missed a month. 

But her period had always been irregular, missing a month here and there. Before her hospitalization, her menstruation stopped for three months. After discharge, it started again. Since she never kept a record, she vaguely recalled that it had been the same as before.

Nikki had used protection. She saw him fished it out of his pocket and put it on; a couple of she put it on him at his request. But, in health class, she was taught that condoms never work 100%. She rubbed her belly. Was it growing?

Maybe.

Or maybe not.

* * *

The band celebrated Thanksgiving at the hotel. Tommy’s wife actress Heather Locklear was there; and Vince brought his wife Sharise and their little girl, Skylar. They just hung out and sat around in a room, passing the food around. 

Turkey, pumpkin pies, mashed potatoes, corn bread - all purchased from a nearby supermarket. 

And no alcohol. 

Nicole sat on Nikki’s lap as usual. Her plate only had a piece of turkey and a cornbread. Nikki was feeding her.

“Tommy told me that you are a model,” Heather said to her. 

Sharise laughed out loud. 

“Not anymore,” Nicole said. 

“Don’t blame you,” Heather said. “It’s not a very easy field. I tried it too. It paid my tuition.”

“Oh?” That surprised her. “Where did you go to school?”

“UCLA.”

“A word of advice,” Sharise said. “Dye your hair blonde and get a boob job. It will land you a job back in the modeling world in no time.”

“Hey Sally!” Skylar spoke, looking at Nicole.

“Are you talking to me?” Nicole asked her.

“Yes.” Little Skylar smiled. “How come are you eating so little? Mommy says it’s only the ungrateful bad kids who don’t eat on Thanksgiving!” She made a face at Nicole. 

“Sweetie,” Sharise said to her daughter.

Skylar climbed onto her mother’s lap. “Mommy, isn’t Sally too big to be fed? I’m four and I eat my own meals. I’m a good girl and she is bad!”

Nicole pretended that she didn’t hear her, reminding herself that Skylar is only a kid with Vince’s maturity.

“Baby, come here,” Vince said to his daughter. “Now, her name is Nicole, not Sally. Nikki is feeding her because she’s special to him.”

“Then how come you never feed Mommy?”

Now Heather was laughing.

“Daddy,” Skylar continued. “How come Sally got these dark things under her eyes?”

“Hey, stop picking on Nicole,” Tommy said. “And why are you keep on calling her Sally?”

“Because she’s bony!” Skylar said with her finger pointing at Nicole. “Like Sally from  _ Nightmare Before Christmas _ ! Bony Sally! Bony Sally! Bony Sally!”

Annoyed, Nicole sang out loud. 

“ _ I sense there’s something in the wind _

_ That feels like tragedy’s at hand _

_ And though I’d like to stand by him _

_ Can’t shake this feeling that I have _ .”

She did have a beautiful voice and hit each note perfectly a cappella.

And Skylar stopped talking.

“Yes, I am bony like Sally,” Nicole said to her, eyeing Sharise. “Before you know it, us brunette and bony Sallys will conquer the world. Blondes with big boobs can take a back seat.”

Sharise smiled uneasily. 

“Sally is a red-head,” Tommy said, but Heather nudged him quiet. 

* * *

Sitting before a mirror, Nicole was cutting off split ends from her hair.

_ Bony Sally! Bony Sally! Bony Sally! _

Skylar’s voice rang in her ear. 

“Baby, what are you doing?” Nikki asked, entering their room with a slice of pumpkin pie in his hand. 

“Taking care of my hair,” she said, avoiding his gaze. 

“Ever thought of pursuing a career in music?” He asked. “You have an awesome voice.”

“I know, I sound better than Vince,” Nicole said. “But I can’t sing on stage with everyone looking at me.”

“Vince’s voice is unique,” Nikki explained. 

“So is his kid.”

“Baby, Skylar is only four,” Nikki said, eating the pumpkin pie. “Doesn’t she remind you of someone?”

“Who?”

“You,” he chuckled. “Don’t you remember that you called us gangsters when you first met us?”

“And on the next day,” Nicole said. “You came to my photoshoot and took me out to LA. You told me I’m beautiful. You could’ve told me the truth.” 

She was holding back her tears. 

“I didn’t lie to you.”

“That kid said that I look like a bony rag doll!”

Only kids speak the blunt truth.

“Baby, I’m fine with the way you are,” Nikki said. “If you don’t want to be bony Sally, how about you finish this pumpkin pie with me? Choice is yours.”

She went to him and he handed her the plate and the fork. He watched as she ate. 

“Do me a favor, baby, leave me a piece.”

“Where are we heading tomorrow?” Nicole asked.

“Illinois.”

“You’ll take a break for Christmas?”

“Yeah,” he said. “We’ll go home to Van Nuys.”

“Van Nuys?” She looked at him.

“There's a palace waiting for you, baby,” he said. “Where we’ll grow old together.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Today is the happiest Thanksgiving in my life.”

She actually was about to finish the pie but Nikki stopped her and claimed the last piece for himself. 


	13. Don’t go away mad (just go away)

Sitting in the back of the tour bus, Nicole tried to ignore her back pain and the pain from the baby's kicking. Meanwhile, Nikki pressed his hand against her large pregnant belly, all smiling. He loved every moment when the baby kicked. He was overjoyed with Nicole’s pregnancy.

Just as her father had warned her, she was deep - and trapped - in a relationship that she was not ready for.

Commitment.

Parenthood.

And no marriage.

Initially, she thought it was only a late period. However, her belly grew and her period never returned. By the time her condition was obvious, it was too late to plan a wedding. Gowns wouldn’t fit; time wasn't enough to review and sign a marital contract before the birth; daily travel and performances didn’t help either. Like it or not, her first-born child would be born out of wedlock.

Or in a more modernized term - a bastard.

And that was exactly what her father had said over the phone. “There is no bastard child in my family!”

Nikki was so pissed that he literally smashed the phone into pieces.

“Our son is not a bastard,” he said to her repeatedly. “He has a father and a mother who are together!”

Nicole didn’t want to hear any of that. She was already overwhelmed by the pregnancy. Her belly was way too heavy for her to carry. Nikki wasn’t much of a help either. He was too eager to see her belly grow. 

“Is there a clinic or a hospital nearby?” Nicole asked. “I could be in labor any minute.”

“We’ll check it out after we get to our next designation,” Nikki assured her. 

“Nikki, I can’t believe you made me stay on this tour,” Nicole said. “I should be at home in a bed with pillows!”

“At Van Nuys by yourself?” Nikki asked. “Our son needs me.”

“You are that confident that we are having a boy?”

Nikki took out a deck of pokers. “Black means boy, and red means girl.” He pulled out a card and it was a black Jack. “What can I tell you, baby? Every single time. We are having a boy.”

Tommy gave him a high five. “I can’t wait till Heather and I have a fucking little one.”

“Shh!” Nikki hushed him. “Don’t use foul language. My son can hear you.”

Nicole rolled her eyes. She really wanted to get out of there.

* * *

After they arrived, Nicole needed to use the restroom.

“Sorry ma’am but the toilets are not working in women’s,” the janitor said apologetically. “You can use men’s.”

“Never in a lifetime,” Nicole said. “I’m not going to that disgusting place.”

As she walked towards Nikki’s dressing room, Vince spoke. “Uhm...Nicole?”

“What?” Nicole said with annoyance and frustration.

“You got water dripping,” he pointed out.

“I know and I am not using the men’s room!”

“I think he meant your water broke,” Mick said. “You are in labor.”

“We got to go to a hospital now,” she said, looking at the staff. “Is there a hospital nearby?” 

“That will be a negative,” one of them said.

“I take that as a no,” Nicole said, grinding her teeth as contraction began. She went directly into Nikki’s dressing room to least have some privacy.

“Oh man, I’m so excited!” Nikki said to his band mates.

“But our show starts in about ten minutes,” Vince reminded him. 

“You’re right,” Nikki said. “We can’t let our fans down. They came all the way here to see us. Okay, here’s what we are going to do. Vince, Mick, and Tommy - you three carry on the show. I’ll stay with Nicole.”

* * *

On the stage, Vince spoke to the audience. “Nikki isn’t going to be partying with us tonight. His girlfriend is giving birth in the back.” The audience gasped. “Fuck yeah, having a kid out of wedlock,” Vince continued. “You know that condoms don’t work 100%? It only works 97%! They teach that in health class in high school. Had Nikki finished high school, he would’ve known. But he was suspended. Everyone says ‘Shame on you Nikki!’”

“Shame on you Nikki!” The audience shouted. 

* * *

Laying back in NIkki’s makeup chair, Nicole was crying and screaming. It was more out of fear than physical pain. Nikki held her hand.

“Baby, don’t worry. We’ll find you a doctor.”

The door opened. “And I’m the doctor!”

Nicole could not believe her eyes. “Doc McGee?”

“That’s me!” Doc smiled.

“Nikki, I need a real doctor!” Nicole yelled.

“Relax, I am a real doctor,” Doc said. “As a part of community service for my early release, I’m delivering babies for unwed mothers who are too ashamed to go to hospitals. They call me _Dr. Feelgood_.”

He peeked in between her legs. 

“Doc, stop staring at it so hard,” Nikki rebuked. “And you better not fuck this up. This is Gunner Nicholas Sixx, son to bassist of Motley Crue and King of Rock and Roll.”

“Gunner Nicholas Sixx?” Nicole sat up. “What kind of name is that?”

“Hey, I want a unique and special name for our son,” Nikki explained.

“You can’t name our baby without talking to me!”

Doug came in. “Nikki, first congratulations-”

“For what?” Doc interrupted. “Nicole is having a baby unwed.”

“The fans got too excited after hearing that you are having a baby,” Doug completely ignored Doc. “They want Nicole to give birth on stage.”

“I beg your pardon?” Nicole couldn’t believe it.

“We are looking at the second generation of the Motley Crue!” Doug said. “Mick says it’d be a perfect stunt for _Shout at the Devil_.”

“Oh screw you!” Nicole spat. She grabbed Nikki’s thunderbird and began to smack everyone around her with it. “I’m trying to get this little person out of me! And you are turning it into a freak show! I should be in a hospital, married, and surrounded by doctors and nurses in a bed! Not here! I don’t belong here! I don’t belong here! I don’t belong here!”

“Baby,” Nikki tried to take the thunderbird away from her. “Baby!”

* * *

“Baby, baby.” Nikki tried to wake her.

“No, I don’t belong here,” Nicole mumbled in her sleep. “I want to go home.”

“Baby!” Nikki raised his voice and woke her. She found herself on a bus - without a pregnant belly or a baby.

It was all a nightmare. 

“Where are we?” She could barely find her voice.

“Jersey,” he replied. “Come on.”

He pulled her up and they got off the bus.

“Nikki, I’m going to skip the performance tonight,” she said. “I’ll take a taxi to the hotel.”

“No way.”

“Nikki, your band is fantastic but I watched your performance more than a million times. I can recite all the lyrics of your songs.”

“Really?” Nikki was amused. “If you can, then you’ll have your wish.”

“Okay, let’s start with _Kickstart of My Broken Heart_ ,” she began.

Tommy made a wrong buzzer sound.

Laughing, Nikki said. “Baby, we don’t have a song called _Kickstart of My Broken Heart_ , though my heart was broken at the time thanks to a naughty girl who disappeared on me.” He tapped her nose and kissed her on the lips. “You are not going anywhere. You are stuck with me.”

* * *

She went to the bathroom at least ten times. No period still. 

The more she thought about it, the more anxious she became.

What were other symptoms of a pregnancy besides a growing belly or a missing period? Nicole tried to recall everything she knew about a pregnancy from TV shows and novels. She was not feeling sick and she never vomited. But then again, she did hear from somewhere that if a woman is pregnant with a boy, there won’t be any sickness at all.

_Gunner Nicholas Sixx._

The tour was to continue till August 1990, which means eight months away. She would be huge by then. 

But wait, Nikki did want her to come with him to Van Nuy where they’ll grow old together; he said that on Thanksgiving. Okay, good timing. They could tie the knot then. Shotgun wedding was better than no wedding. 

* * *

“Baby, what’s on your mind?” Nikki asked her after they checked into the hotel. He saw her sitting on the bed and not speaking.

“Remember you said that we are going home to Van Nuy for Christmas?” Nicole asked him. “When you said we’ll grow old together, do you mean that?”

“Of course,” he said, taking her hand. “I meant every word. You are the one I want to see when I wake up in the morning and whom I want to say good night to. When I floated out of my body after I died from overdose, I was looking for you. I knew I was going to hell for what I did in the past, but even so, I wanted to see you one last time. It’s a miracle that I found you again. You are the best thing ever happened to me. I love you, baby.”

That made her smile.

“So, are we going to have a big wedding?” She asked.

“Wedding?” He laughed. “You are getting too far ahead. We are not getting married.”

“What?” Nicole almost thought she didn’t hear him correctly. “But we are growing old together? As roommates?”

“We’ll start with you moving in with me,” he said. “Maybe one day we will marry, but not now.”

“So we’ll live together like husband and wife but not married?” Nicole found it very hard to understand. “My dad will disown me.”

“You are not a kid anymore, baby,” Nikki said. “You can do whatever you want.”

“And I do want to get married before I move in with someone,” Nicole said. “I dreamed of my wedding day since I could remember. I want to wear a beautiful wedding gown with a cathedral veil. I want my father to walk me down the aisle on a red carpet. I want to have children after marriage.”

“That we can wait,” Nikki said. “You are not ready for kids.”

“It’s not whether I’m ready or not,” Nicole argued. “It happens as it happens. I don’t want my child to be born a bastard-”

“Don’t use that word in front of me.” His eyes grew dark.

Nicole was frightened a bit, but she was not backing down.

Why did it always have to be his way? She had to be there watching his performances because he wanted her to. She couldn’t have any moment to herself. He wanted her by his side almost 24 hours a day and 7 days a week; while it sounded romantic, Nicole felt she was nothing more than a doll or pet. 

She couldn’t say the word ‘bastard’ because he wouldn’t have it for whatever reason. Yet, it was her concern because she could be carrying a child right now. She knew very well that the society is harder on the mother than the man who impregnated her. 

“It isn’t just about you Nikki,” she spoke. “I can’t just move in with you without a wedding ring on my finger. That’s not what I dreamed of. At least I need to think about this.”

“Okay, if you need sometime, you got it,” he said. “When we get to New York, you can stay at the hotel and take all the time you need. I’m sorry and I shouldn’t throw it at you. It is not everyday that a girl is loved by a rock star who asks her to move into a huge mansion with him.”

“That’s not it at all,” Nicole said. “And if you love me, you’d marry me.”

“I don’t want to rush!”

“But you said that you want to grow old with me! That is the definition of a marriage!”

“Life is not made up by formulas,” Nikki said. “You don’t meet at a diner, share a milkshake, get married at a church wedding and have babies ever after. Life is not a fairy tale! My dad married my mom but he left us before I could remember! You say till death do us apart at the altar but there are divorce attorneys who make millions of bucks! I know it’s hard for you to understand for someone who has been brought up like a fucking princess and lives in a fairy tale world!” 

“For your information, not everyone lives like a junkie!” Nicole said. “Not all parents abandon their children and not all kids run away from home without calling their parents! Not all kids were born from an accident. There are happy families like mine! There are couples who do get married and stay together for years! They gave their kids a happy home! A home where their kids want to go when they are having a hard time! You’re right, I was brought like a princess, but at least a princess is a human being! You treat me like a freaking toy!”

His response was silence, but his eyes spoke it all. His gentle green eyes looked like he was about to kill. Nicole waited to see what he’s going to do next. She remembered clearly how Tommy beat his ex-fiancee Roxy. But Nikki just stood there; he stood there for a long time before he walked out of the room.

After the door shut behind him, she felt cramps in her abdomen. She rushed to the bathroom and found herself having her period.


	14. Without You

In her room, Nicole packed her clothes. With everything in a suitcase, she was ready to fly home. This was not a loss, she told herself. _I’m not a singer or a star_ . _I’m Nicole Ireland, not Nikki’s pet_. 

How could she continue this so-called relationship, knowing that it is not going towards the right direction? Living together in the same house without a marital license - or is it a certificate? Or a contract? Regardless, how scandalous! They’d be like Anna Karenina and Count Vronsky. She certainly didn’t want to be shamed in the public like Anna was at the opera. 

Plus, wasn’t she supposed to be on this tour so that Nikki could show her real success? 

Well, she saw enough.

Dedication, commitment, long working hours - she got it.

It was time to go home.

She got everything, except for one.

Money.

She couldn’t find her wallet anywhere. Without a credit card or ID, she couldn’t buy a plane ticket. Since Aunt Toni did the packing, she would’ve known.

“Aunt Toni,” Nicole called her aunt. “It’s NiNi, did you pack my wallet by any chance? Don’t tell me I’m on this tour without a penny of my own.”

Whenever Nicole used her nickname with her aunt, it was an urgent matter.

“NiNi, Nikki has your wallet,” Aunt Toni said. “I gave it to him for his keeping.”

“What?”

“NiNi, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but you habitually lose things.”

“Aunt Toni, Nikki is the least responsible person on this planet,” Nicole said. “I can’t stay on this tour anymore. It’s too long...and Nikki kicked me out.”

“He kicked you out? How did he kick you out?”

“Long story short, we had an argument yesterday,” Nicole said. “He has given me silent treatment ever since. Doug has been nice enough to keep me in the loop. But Nikki openly shunned me. He is so mean!”

“He did not kick you out,” Aunt Toni said. “Nicole, you are a grown up. You work things out with him. Argument happens here and there. You can’t cry and run away every time it happens.”

“But he-”

“No one is perfect,” Aunt Toni went on. “Nikki is not like your father, remember that.”

“I don’t even know where he is right now.”

“He’s probably performing.”

“I have to tell you, Nikki asked me to-”

“That’s between you and him,” Aunt Toni said. “Go find him, and talk to him.”

“Fine,” Nicole said, knowing the conversation wasn’t going anywhere. But at least, she knew that Nikki had her wallet.

* * *

She never cared to note where the band is performing, especially after Thanksgiving. Bus, arena, dressing room, and hotel - it was all the same. She knew she’s in New York state, but she had no idea which city or town she’s in. 

So she got to find out - whatever she has to go through because anywhere is better than staying on this tour and enduring Nikki’s silent treatment.

Last night, after he walked out on her, she slept alone. It was more than okay for her, since she got her period. The morning after, Doug knocked on her door, telling her that they were leaving. On the bus, Nikki barely looked at her. He spent all his time scribbling in a notebook. Once they arrived, Doug took her to the hotel as the band went to perform. 

It was really pointless for her to stay.

She went downstairs to the front desk to see if anyone can help her.

“Hi,” she greeted; the receptionist was a middle-aged woman in her fifties. “Uhm, this may sound odd but what city are we in?”

“Uniondale,” the receptionist said. “In New York state.”

“That I know,” Nicole said. “There is a concert nearby this place. The band Motley Crue. Do you know where they are performing?”

“I don’t know what this Motley Clue is,” the receptionist said. “But my best guess is Nassau Coliseum. Billy Joel and Bruce Springsteen performed there.”

“Where is it?”

The receptionist took out a map and circled its location. “We are here and the arena is here. If you drive, it takes about fifteen minutes.”

“I don’t have a car,” Nicole said. “But I’ll walk.”

“I’ll take a taxi if I were you. It’d take you at least an hour if you were to walk.”

“Not a problem for me.” She used to walk 90 minutes a day. 

“Fine, it’s your life.”

* * *

She should’ve listened to that front desk receptionist. Walking to the arena was almost impossible. Distance was not the problem. Darkness was the real challenge. Not all roads had street lights. A young woman like her walking around with a map in her hand was not safe. Fortunately for her, a police officer stopped by, asking her where she’s going. She was kind enough to give her a lift and gave her a hard lecture on the danger of walking alone at night.

“By the way, what do you think of two people living together but not married?” Nicole asked the officer.

“I can’t comment but lots of people are doing that,” the police officer said.

After she was dropped off at the arena, Nicole went to the entrance where a security guard blocked her way.

“You have a ticket?” He asked.

“Is this where the Motley Crue performs?”

“Yes, but you need a ticket.”

“I know Nikki Sixx,” Nicole said. “He has something of mine. I’m not here to watch their performance. I just need a word with Nikki.”

“No ticket, no entrance.”

“I’m his ex-girlfriend.”

“I don’t care.”

“My aunt is the executive producer of _General Hospital_ ,” Nicole went on. “I used to be a model. My father is-”

“No ticket, no entrance,” the security guard repeated. “Even if your father is President George Bush.”

“Oh please! This is a big emergency!” Nicole begged. 

“If you need anything from Sixx you can talk to him after the concert,” he said. “It’s for your own good. The audience will tear you into pieces if you were to interrupt the performance.”

“It’d only take him a minute.”

“Hey, is everything all right?” A guy with a big nose, large lips and long frizzle hair asked; he had a guitar too.

“No, nothing is okay,” Nicole said to him. “I need to fly back to LA, but Nikki has my wallet.

“Nikki as Nikki Sixx? He has your wallet?” 

“Yes,” Nicole replied. “It’s hard to believe but it’s true.”

The man looked at her and said, “Come with me, I know Sixx.” He then gave the security guard a nod. Nicole followed him inside. 

* * *

He took her into his dressing room. 

Nicole had no idea who he was; she did not pay attention to the name on the door. Her mind was too wrapped up in getting her wallet back. 

“My name is Saul,” he said.

“Are you a backup guitarist for the Motley Crue?”

“No,” he replied. “We perform with the Motley Crue. They are a good band.”

“Where is Nikki?”

“On stage,” Saul said. “Be patient. He’ll have his break when we have our turn.”

“Sorry,” Nicole saw that she had been very inconsiderate. “I just want to go home.”

“You all right?”

“No,” Nicole said. “I...I don’t belong to this place or anywhere with a rock band. I don’t do drugs. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I went to a prestigious school and I was the top of my class.”

Saul lit up a cigarette, much to Nicole’s dismay.

“You think us rock stars are stupid then?” he asked.

“I didn’t say that,” Nicole defended herself. 

“You know how to play a guitar?” 

“No, but I can sing and play piano. I learned tap dance and ballet.”

“You got tutors I assume. I learned guitar on my own as Nikki learned bass,” Saul told her. “If you think school is hard, forming a band and making it to the top is almost impossible.”

“If you achieved it, why not use the opportunity to have a good, stable life?” Nicole asked. “I’m talking about relationships. You meet someone, get engaged, get married, move in together and then have kids. But you guys like to mess it up. I don’t know if you see that as an experiment like you do with music, but you are dragging others down with it in the name of love.”

“Do you know what marriage is really about?” Saul asked her. “You have no right to judge us. Girls jump after us because we are rich. Cars, mansions, purses, high end fashion, fame. Babies are baits for more. Ever heard of prenup? Without prenup, half of the money we made goes away when the marriage ends but we still have to pay support. Now, I do like you because you are different.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are not after his money or fame,” he pointed out. “That makes you special to him.”

“But living together without marriage,” Nicole muttered. “That is so illegitimate.”

“How well do you know Nikki? What are his habits?”

“I know his habits well,” Nicole said. “I’ve stayed with him on this tour since October.”

“Then what’s the difference between staying with him and living with him? It sounds like you lived with him for over a month.”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“But you choose to leave now,” Saul said. “You could’ve done it back in October.”

“Can you put the cigarette away?” Nicole asked, waving away the smoke. She hated the smell.

“Why does it bother you?” Saul asked. “Don’t you know that Nikki smokes too?”

“No,” she said. “So how long have you known Nikki?”

“I was there the night he died,” Saul replied. “I revived him with CPR.”

“No you didn’t,” Nicole said. “I saw it on the news. He was on a stretcher with a white sheet over his body. It was the paramedics who shot two adrenalines into his heart. If he’s already revived, why would the paramedic waste two shots of adrenaline which can be used to save other people? You just want the credit because he lived. You would’ve said something else had he stayed dead. You know, here’s the real problem - you musicians and rock stars are cowards who are afraid of realities. You believe it’s your way is the highway, because you are rock stars. You made bad choices because you believe you can get away with it. Just because fans all over the world love your music doesn’t mean that they’d agree with everything you believe. Maybe that’s too hard for you rock stars to accept.” She paused and said, “At least Nikki got himself clean. I kindly suggest you do the same before the drugs kill you too.”

“You are not problem free either, kid,” Saul chuckled.

“I’m bony, I know.”

“You are missing the point - relationships are two-way streets. It’s not just what you want, us rock stars got feelings too.”

* * *

She walked out of Saul’s dressing room and went towards the stage. She could hear singing, except it wasn’t Vince. 

It was the crowd.

_Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to Nikki! Happy birthday to you!_

Followed by cheers.

She didn’t know today was his birthday. 

In fact, she didn’t even know his age. 

Funny that she wanted a wedding and a marriage, but she didn’t even know how old her future husband is. 

Maybe Saul was right. This relationship had been a one-way street. On the night of their argument, why didn’t she tell him about her possible pregnancy? If there were a child, boy or girl, it would be theirs. Had she told him, maybe it wouldn’t have ended this way. 

She found Nikki’s dressing room but it was locked. 

She sat by the door. When Nikki finished his performance, she’d ask him for her wallet. Then, she’d say goodbye. 

* * *

She was half-asleep when Nikki came.

“What are you doing here?”

It was the first phrase he said to her since their argument. And he did not call her ‘baby’.

_I want my wallet._

“I...I’m here to wish you happy birthday,” she said. “December 11th. I saw it on the news when I was in the hospital.”

“How did you get here?”

_A police officer gave me a lift._

“I walked,” she said, showing him the map.

* * *

From the bus, Vince, Tommy, Mick, and Doug saw Nikki coming out from the back door of the arena. He had his thunderbird and carried Nicole on his back. 

Mick eyed the other three and opened his palm.

“Fuck this,” Tommy said and handed him $20.

Vince and Doug did the same.

As much as they hated to admit, Mick was always right.


	15. Kickstart the Heart

She was in Nikki’s room, resting against the pillows in bed.

Earlier, eager to get her wallet back so she could leave for LA, her adrenaline was very high and she could barely feel any exhaustion or discomfort. Now she had calmed down, exhaustion kicked in. The fact that she was on her second day of menstruation didn’t help either. All she wanted was to curl up in a bed under warm covers. 

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Nikki was playing his bass guitar.

“Nikki?” She approached softly. “I need my wallet.”

“Why?” He asked, scribbling in a notebook.

“There’re cakes for sale in the lobby,” Nicole said. “Since it’s your birthday, I thought maybe I could buy you a cake.”

“Really?” He wasn’t all that convinced.

“Well, not just for your birthday,” she said. “I got my period. It hurts. The cramps. Sugars and sweets will help.”

He put down his bass guitar and walked out of the room. Minutes later, he came back with two containers of cakes with two forks. 

“Chocolate or vanilla?” He asked her.

“Vanilla,” she said, brushing away the icing. 

“You said you need sugar,” Nikki said. “Sugars are in the icing.”

“Icing gives me toothache,” she said. “The cake itself is enough.”

He fed her a piece of his. 

“You have your lighter?” Nicole asked, remembering Saul had said that Nikki smokes.

He took it out of his pocket and handed it to her. Never used a lighter before, she tried to flick it. She almost burned herself and dropped it.

“Make a wish,” she said, holding up the flame.

He closed his eyes and then blew it out. 

“What were you thinking when you walked to the arena?” He asked, playing with her hair. “It’s dangerous.”

“I don’t have a choice,” she said. “I couldn’t find my wallet to pay for a taxi. Aunt Toni said that she gave it to you.”

“She did,” Nikki said. “You lose things.”

“That was back when I was a kid.” 

“Baby, I have seen you left things behind,” Nikki said.

“Can I have my wallet back?” She asked again.

“Why do you need it?”

“Because you don’t want me around,” she said. “I can buy myself a ticket back to LA and be out of your sight in no time.”

“So we had an argument last night,” he said, throwing away the fork and empty containers. “I was pissed. Your period started and I know that’s when girls go crazy. It doesn’t mean that I stopped loving you. You said that you saw enough of our performances, and I decided to give you some break.”

“Yeah, _Kickstart the Beating Heart_.”

“You still got it wrong,” Nikki said. “It’s _Kickstart My Heart_.”

“That song is actually my favorite,” Nicole said. She paused and then added, “In twelve days, I’ll be twenty-two.”

“December 23rd?”

“Yeah. Birthdays are never the same to me anymore. I almost died on my twentieth. They inserted a tube in my stomach. It hurt like hell.”

He pulled her into his arms. “You know the day I died from overdose? They stabbed two shots of adrenaline into my heart. I knew what was happening but I felt nothing. When I found myself in the hospital, there were a bunch of tubes on my body. I pulled all of them out. All I could think of was go home and shoot more heroin. After I kicked heroin, all these feelings - pain, fear, anxiety - came to me. But that’s what it should be. Pain tells you that you are alive.”

“When we got separated in Denver, did it hurt?”

“It did,” he said. Nicole could feel her hair wet. “It was like a piece of my heart torn away.”

“After my dad took me back to LA from Denver, everything became so meaningless,” Nicole said. “Do you believe the Berlin Wall will fall one day and Germany reunifies? Even after what happened in World War II? I saw the pictures and what the Germans did was horrid.”

“Doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance?” Nikki asked. “The Motley Crue had done a lot of bad things. Our last album sucked. After we got sober, it’s a new beginning. I wrote _Kickstart My Heart_ right after right after rehab. I know this tour has been difficult, baby, but this is the Motley Crue’s second chance.”

“What are the bad things you guys did?” Nicole said, yawning. “The bad and the dangerous?”

“Well, we damaged hotels, threw things out of windows, set things on fire, got wasted on stage, and broke many hearts. Vince had his DUI. In the car was drummer Razzle from Hanoi Rocks and he didn’t make it. I was mad at Vince for what happened, but I was shooting heroin. I was so high on Tommy’s wedding that I could barely stand. Tommy, that hard head, he landed on the floor from 70 feet above. He was like, ‘I’m alright.’ I told him that he should go to the hospital and-”

He stopped talking and found the girl in his arms already asleep. 

This was his best birthday gift.

* * *

_December 21, 1989_

Finally, the Motley Crue was taking a break from their tour and the whole group was looking forward to it. Vince wanted to see his little girl Skylar; Tommy missed Heather, and watching Nikki with Nicole was painful for him; Mick needed a break for his back, or so he said. As for Nicole, she hadn’t seen her father for nearly two months.

When the group split after landing, they didn’t say goodbye. Simply, there was no need to. After New Year, they would meet again and resume the tour. Plus, they had seen enough of each other for two months. Doug saw how Nikki handled Nicole’s luggage. 

“Hey Nikki,” Doug approached them. “I’ll take Nicole home. I gave Antoinette my words.”

“Thanks Doug,” Nicole said. “But I’ll go with Nikki.”

“Are you sure?” Doug asked.

“Doug, what do I fucking look like? A murderer? Or a human trafficker?” Nikki said with annoyance. He gave Nicole a kiss. “Let’s go baby, home sweet home.”

* * *

They came before a black convertible Ferrari. 

“Where’s your Porsche?” Nicole asked.

“At home,” he said as he loaded his bass guitar and their luggage in the car.

“Hey, can I drive?” She asked. “I never drove a Ferrari.”

“You know the way home?”

“Of course,” she said. “I went to LAX many times.”

He gave her the key and she got into the driver’s seat. After adjusting the seat and the mirror, she started the car. Music blasted through the stereo while the engine roared. She turned off the music and was about to shift the gear into reverse. But she was at a loss. She knew how to drive, yet she never drove a Ferrari or any type of sport car.

“Here,” Nikki switched the gear to automatic.

While Nikki loved his Ferraris for its speed, Nicole was more afraid of it. Each time the car sped up, she stepped on the brake. The car ended up going fast and then slow; fast and then slow. Other drivers began to move away from her. Some even gave her a finger. 

“This is not how you drive a Ferrari,” Nikki said to her.

“The speed limit says 50 miles per hour,” Nicole said. “I don’t want a ticket. Cops are everywhere.”

“Look baby, to drive a Ferrari,” he said. “You gotta love its power. The speed and thrill - that’s the whole point of its existence.”

“But what if I lose control?” Nicole asked. “I don’t want an accident! I’m too young to die!”

“You will not,” Nikki said. “If you keep your hands on the steering wheel. Ferrari is your pal. You have to trust its power. Have fun and enjoy the thrill.”

“Okay,” she took a deep breath and stepped on the gas pedal. She began to drive past other cars. Nikki turned on the music, which prompted her to drive even faster. She zig-zagged between the lanes to get ahead of other drivers. This was fun indeed, as she started to envision herself as a badass driver Charlie’s Angel style.

“Baby,” Nikki said, turning the music off. “Baby!”

“Not now Charlie!” She was still in her fantasy.

“Baby, you got to pull over,” Nikki said.

“Why?”

“Because you are racing against a cop.”

She looked in the mirror and saw a police car right behind them with its lights flashing. She immediately pulled over and rolled down the window as the cop approached them. 

“Is there a problem officer?” Nicole asked as innocently as possible.

“Ma’am, do you have any idea how fast you’re going?” The cop asked, then noticed her passenger. “Nikki Sixx? From the Motley Crue?”

“That’s me,” Nikki smiled. 

“I need to see your license and registration,” the cop said to Nicole. 

“Oh,” she looked at Nikki. “You have my wallet.”

Nikki reached to the back for his bass guitar; he had kept it in his guitar case. Nicole handed her licence to the cop and Nikki gave him the registration. As the cop went back to his car, Nicole prayed that she would only get a warning. The cop came back, singing “Girls, Girls, Girls.” He handed back Nikki’s registration and gave him a high five. “I love your new album!”

That made Nicole smile. 

“And this is yours,” the cop handed Nicole her driver’s licence and a $500 ticket for speeding. “Drive safe - your passenger is Nikki fuckin Sixx.”

Nicole was about to cry.

“You want me to drive?” Nikki asked.

“Sure,” Nicole switched seats with him. 

With him driving, probably they’d head to his place in Van Nuys. 

The real reason she wanted to drive the Ferrari was to go home to Beverly Hills, where she lived with her father. She knew what Doug meant when he offered to take her home. But she chose to go with Nikki because she didn’t want to rely on others to rescue her from Nikki’s strong will. In the end, however, it seemed like Nikki will have his way - this time due to her own stupidity. 

“Baby, you are trouble,” Nikki said as he drove. “Since the day you came into my life, I have to watch over you. You don’t eat. You walk to the arena from the hotel in the dark. You leave things behind. I have to feed you, carry you, and pick things up after you. And I’m willing to do all that shit without losing my fucking cool because I’m that much in love with you.”

Nicole said nothing. She had her own savings account and the money she earned from her modeling days. She could pay the fine on her own. 

“Don’t be hard on yourself,” Nikki continued, knowing what’s on her mind. “I once totaled a Porsche. I was high and I was naked. My shoulder got dislocated. Does it make you feel better?”

“No.”

“You are not the only one who ever got a traffic ticket,” Nikki said. “There are people in jail for doing things much worse. This fine is on me. I’ll take the responsibility.”

* * *

When they reached their destination, Nicole looked out from the window and found themselves in front of her house in Beverly Hills.

“Why are we here?” She was surprised. 

“You said you wanted to go home so I brought you home.” Nikki said, removing his sunglasses.

With a mixed emotion, she touched his face and leaned over to kiss him.

This was the first time she initiated the kiss. She was about to pull away but he reclined her seat and rolled on top of her. He turned on the music, playing a soft, romantic theme. The two were in a climax when someone knocked on the window. 

“Fuck,” Nikki muttered as they separated from each other.

Oh no, Nicole thought. Don’t tell me it’s another cop.

Nikki rolled down the window and Nicole's heart jumped.

It was Nicole’s father, Tom Ireland.

Thank goodness Nikki got tinted car windows.


	16. Smoking in the Boy's Room

“Hi Dad,” Nicole tried to keep a straight face. “Merry Christmas.”

“Christmas is four days away,” Tom said coolly.

‘Nikki and I were talking about what to get you for Christmas,” she said, smiling.

“I wasn’t born yesterday,” Tom replied. “Dinner is ready. Nicholas, why don’t you join us?”

That was a surprise, and a pleasant one for Nicole. She quickly got out of the car and skipped to the trunk. Tom helped her with the luggage. 

“I got it,” Nikki said, picking up Nicole’s suitcase. He took her hand and walked her into the house.

* * *

Nicole never liked to cook. In fact, she barely passed her cooking class. Tom rarely cooked, especially when Nicole was not home. Aunt Toni had called earlier, saying that Nicole is coming back today, possibly bringing Nikki. She spoke fondly of the bassist though Tom still viewed him with disgust. He was making dinner when he saw a black Ferrari parked in front of his house.

It was there for a _long_ time.

He assumed it was Nikki Sixx, who was known for his love of Ferrari. If Nikki were in the car, then Nicole was in there too. The last thing Tom ever wanted to think about was what is going on in that car. The more he tried to look away, the nuttier it drove him. So he marched out of the house and knocked on the Ferrari’s tinted window. 

If he had caused them a coitus interruptus, he was not sorry.

When the window rolled down, it was the first time he met the Motley Crue bassist in person.

He was much taller than Tom thought. He wore a leather jacket over a not-too-bottomed shirt and a bandana on his head. By his gestures around Nicole, Tom could tell that he was a man who won’t take no for an answer. Silently, he cursed the day his daughter met him.

At the dinner table, Nikki sat next to Nicole. His eyes never left her, adding food to her plate. It seemed that she had gained a few pounds since she left for Europe. 

“How’s your sober band, Nicholas?” Tom asked.

“Dad.” Nicole did not like her father’s attitude towards Nikki. 

“It’s fine baby,” Nikki said. “It’s not easy for us to stay sober. Everyone falls off the wagon once a while. We write, record, and we travel. There are days when we don’t even see our family. But bad choices and drugs are behind us. We are blessed to be alive.”

“You didn’t set yourself on fire?”

“We used fire on stage, but no, I did not set myself on fire.”

“December must be your favorite month,” Tom went on.

“Yes, his birthday is in December,” Nicole chimed in. “Like mine.”

“How old are you Nicholas?”

“Thirty-one.”

“Have any kids?”

“No,” Nikki replied. “If I do have a kid, Nicole would’ve known by now. My father walked out on me before I could remember. I did try to reconnect with him, but he hung up right then and there. I would never do that to my own flesh and blood.”

“Is Nikki Sixx your real name?”

“As much as Tom Ireland is yours,” Nikki said. “And yes, December is my favorite fucking month. I was born in December. I died and resuscitated in December. December 23rd. I was hanging out with Slash and his girlfriend. I was too wasted to shoot up. Slash was way passed out. I said to my dealer, ‘do it, shot me up.” He did and my heart stopped. The ambulance came and I was pronounced dead on the scene. I was done. One of the paramedics gave me two shots of adrenaline. I was dead for two minutes and they brought me back.” He then looked at Nicole. “You want to finish the rest of the story?”

Nicole rolled her eyes. She had heard this story more than enough. 

“Nikki cheated death but the news already hit the street. Vince heard it from his limo driver, who heard it on the radio. The next morning he woke up and tore out all the needles and tubes. He escaped with his head totally lost. The entire city of LA thought that he was dead. He saw two girls and asked them for a ride home. They made him promise to never do drugs again. But that’s exactly what he did. He woke up with a needle in his arms, all bleeding. And _that_ was rock bottom.”

“And?” Tom raised his eyebrow, waiting to hear more.

“Doug gave me an ultimatum,” Nikki said. “It was either to clean up or get out of here. So I quit cold turkey. Heroin is the hardest thing in this world to kick off. It was worse than death but it gave me the will to live. There are so many good reasons to live,” he said, eyeing Nicole.

Nodding, Tom poured himself a glass of Bordeaux. “Wine?”

“No thanks,” Nikki replied. “Water is good.”

“December 23rd is Nicole’s birthday too,” Tom said. “Last year, she gave us a scare but she’s here with us now. Why don’t you stay with us till the New Year’s Day, Nicholas? It’s the holidays.”

“It’d be a pleasure,” Nikki said, holding Nicole’s hand in his. 

“We have a guest suite.”

* * *

The guest suite was on the other side of the house, far away from her room. 

From her window, Nicole saw the patio light on. Nikki and her father were outside smoking together. She had tried to convince her father to quit smoking but he never kicked the habit. 

The two men were talking, obviously. 

Whatever they were talking about, at least it seemed like they were having an understanding. And that was a good thing because Nicole really hated to choose between her father and Nikki.

It was late but she didn’t want to sleep. She took out her scrapbook and began to add into the blank pages the souvenirs she saved from the tour. Plane tickets, postcards, coffee receipts from Germany, and of course, the four pages of paper filled with her name written by Nikki. She was about finished when she heard pebbles thrown at her window. She looked out and saw Nikki in the backyard. She opened the window and pointed to a ladder not too far away. 

Using the ladder, he climbed up into to her room.

Now that was romantic.

She locked the door and turned off the light. She could feel Nikki’s arms snaked around her. Soon, their clothes were on her bed and they were rolling on the floor.

“You have it?” Nicole asked him as he kissed her neck.

“In my fucking pocket,” he said. He pulled away to grab the condom. “You want to put it on me?”

“My pleasure.”

She wrapped her legs around him and buried her face into his shoulders. She had to be as quiet as possible since her father’s room was down the hall. Knowing Nikki was about to cry out, she quickly covered his mouth. Now that was something new to Nikki. Him and the guys used to have quickies with girls in their dressing room all the time and yeah, they could hear each other. 

“I have something to show you,” she said, catching her breath after their intercourse. She got up and turned the light back on. Nikki watched as she went to grab a leathered scrapbook from her desk. He saw the change in her body. No longer skinny like a zombie, she was much healthier and her skin was glowing.

Now, she was really beautiful. 

He had to thank Vince’s daughter Skylar for that. 

Nikki wished that they could be like this forever.

They snuggled on the floor as Nikki looked through the pages. He pointed at a photo and asked, “Is that you?”

“No,” Nicole replied. “My mother. It was taken when she was sixteen.”

He turned a few more pages and saw a picture cut from a newspaper - it was Tommy and Heather’s wedding picture with him, Mick and Vince.

“I saw that in the newspaper,” Nicole explained. “Dad thought you were the groom.”

“I was pretty fucked up that day,” Nikki admitted.

On the next page, he saw a lock of her hair and a hospital wristband.

“I was in the hospital for weeks,” Nicole told him. “Aunt Toni cut my hair short.”

Then there were the souvenirs from the Dr. Feelgood Tour. Nikki burst out laughing when he saw the $500 speeding ticket taped on the last page. 

“Baby, you can’t do this,” he said, taking it off.

“Nikki, it is a very important milestone of my life,” Nicole protested. “I thought you said that you’ll take care of it.”

“Then I’ll need it,” he said, still laughing. “Baby, I love you, and please don’t ever change.” He rolled on top of her and showered her with kisses.

* * *

He did not stay in her room. He got dressed and headed to the guest suite.

He went through the living room, where he saw pictures. Most of them were Nicole when she was young. There was a picture of Nicole with her Aunt Toni before a castle in Europe; a picture of Nicole dressed as Grand Duchess Anastasia in a play; and a picture of Nicole in her ballet class. There was also a wedding portrait of Nicole’s parents. Nicole and her mother were almost twins. 

He had heard from Aunt Toni that Nicole’s mother died after giving birth. When he was smoking with Tom, he learned her name, Angelique. The loss was a shocking one. Tom confessed that he was afraid that Nicole is rushing into something that she isn’t ready for. “December 23rd,” Tom mumbled. “You were revived. Nicole almost died but was saved. Angelique...she’s not coming back. She was only nineteen, too young when she had Nicole.”

At nineteen, Angelique died from childbirth; it was the exact same age Nicole met Nikki. 

Kids. 

Mick had kids; he was paying child support and rarely saw them. Tommy was married but he was a big kid himself. Vince and Sharise had their Skylar. As for Nikki, he had no kid, because he was afraid of fatherhood. He never forgave his father for abandoning him nor mended fences with his mother. He always used protection during intercourse, except for that one night in Denver where he took Nicole’s virginity. He panicked afterwards, fearing that Nicole could be pregnant. Would his own child grow up to hate him? Plus, how would he explain to his kid about his past notorious behaviors?

Yet, after seeing pictures of Nicole and her family, he had a stir. 

He began to envision a framed picture of himself, Nicole, two small kids, and a dog. They were in their backyard. Nicole was laying on the grass, playing with the dog. The kids were all over him. He wore no makeup nor sunglasses. It was like he had nothing to hide from the camera. 

He was smiling, relaxed and happy. 

Together, the four of them, and their dog, would live in their gigantic mansion in Van Nuys. The children would grow up to be the happiest kids in the world. He would love them and protect them - do everything for them that his parents had failed to do for him. He would teach them to live life in the right way and not to repeat his mistakes. They, in turn, would look up to him and love him. 

But Nicole...would she too die from childbirth like her mother?

No, Nicole would be fine. They will live a happy life together because they deserved it.


	17. You’re All I Need

Her father wanted to talk to her alone in his law firm. 

Nicole knew it’s about Nikki. She drove down to her father’s office in her Mercedes.

“Close the door,” Tom told her. He was at his desk, wearing a dress shirt and a suit jacket without a tie. He handed her a copy of _National Enquirer_ magazine. On the front page, it was a photo of her and Nikki under the headline “  Motley Crue’s Nikki Sixx Found New Love ”. Nicole was taken aback at first. Already, she had been photographed without her consent when she was out shopping with Doc McGee in Denver. It was used against her and she was very upset about it. The picture in the tabloid magazine was taken by the paparazzi. It showed Nikki walking out of a stadium and carrying her on his back.

“It was his birthday,” Nicole remembered. “We were in New York state.”

Her name was not printed in the magazine, much to her relief. It stated that fans and onlookers had spotted her with Nikki on numerous occasions. The only question is: who is she?

“Are you okay?” Tom asked her.

Nicole threw the magazine aside. “I’m fine, Dad.”

“Can you take it?” Tom asked. “Dating a celebrity is not easy, Nicole. Tabloids and paparazzi will eat you alive. They will make a fool out of you to entertain and amuse the readers.”

“I can take it,” Nicole said. “And screw them.”

“What will you do if one day, you come across a headline saying that Nicholas is having an affair?”

That was a tough question.

“Tabloids lie,” she said quickly. “They want to make money.”

“All headlines are based on facts, Nicole,” Tom said. “The Motley Crue bass guitarist found true love. Would you call that a lie?”

The cat caught her tongue.

“When his tour resumes in January, are you going with him?” Tom asked her. “Don’t think about what he wants. Ask yourself, do you want to go with him?”

“I can’t say no,” Nicole replied. 

“I’m going to tell you something harsh but it’s the truth,” Tom said. “This Nicholas Sixx-”

“His name is Nikki.”

“Fine, this Nikki Sixx is a vulnerable man with a long list of Freudian problems. Have you listened to his song lyrics? He got violent impulses, insecurities, and anger. To make it worse, he is also very clever with street smarts. He knows how to use charisma to win people over. I worked as an attorney for many years and I’ve dealt with all types of personalities through clients and witnesses, and even I was swayed by his words on the day you brought him home. If you choose him to stay with him, then remember one thing: _do not make him your enemy._ You don’t stand a chance against him.”

He was right. Nikki was not a man who takes no for an answer. She had tried to fight him before, and he always had the upper hand. 

“He loves me,” Nicole said.

“That I agree,” Tom said. “But it takes more than love for a relationship to last.”

“What are you saying Dad? I should leave him?” She asked. “He already had his crash and burn after what happened in Denver. That’s why he was shooting heroin.”

“Bull!” Tom raised his voice. “He was already doing drugs long before he met you! He knew what he was doing and he did it anyway. You are thinking about him, but what about yourself? It’s fine to follow your heart, but don’t lose your head. He needs you more than you need him.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I know that when you come back from this tour, you won’t be Nicole Ireland anymore,” Tom said. “I saw his facial expression when he was looking at our family pictures. He has the desire to start a family.”

But that was not what Nikki had said to her back in New Jersey. He said that he did not want to rush.

“You know why he loves you?” Tom went on. “He knew what the things he did in the past were wrong. When you do a wrong thing, you need to pay for it. He is alive, being a big star making big money, with no fine or jail term after breaking the law numerous times. How could he sleep at night? He can because he has you to keep him in the right path. Career, health, and family.”

“Back in November he told me that he wants to be with me until we are old and grey,” Nicole said slowly. “He has a house in Van Nuys. He said that I’m the one he wants to see when he wakes up in the morning.”

“Do you love him?”

After a long pause, Nicole replied, “I can’t say no.”

“It's your choice,” Tom sighed. “But if you are to marry, you must let me walk you down the aisle. You are my one and only child, Nicole. Don’t keep me blindsided. Can you promise me that?”

“Scouts honor.”

* * *

Nikki stayed with Nicole until the tour started again. Together, they celebrated her birthday, Christmas, and New Year. 

After January, Nicole said goodbye to her father and went with Nikki. She began to notice that reporters and cameras are taking an interest in her, even when Nikki was not by her side. She was nervous at first, but then she decided to ignore them. When asked any question, she simply answered, “No comment.” Unlike the band's backup singers and other rock stars' girlfriends, she never wore leather or anything too revealing. She kept her preferred style - classy dresses, long natural hair with clean makeup. The only time she took a fashion risk was when she wore a mini dress that showed off her thighs. 

Reporters were after Nikki too, asking him about his relationship status. Doug once offered to take Nicole to the hotel in his car to avoid paparazzi. 

“No thanks,” she said. “They don’t bother me.”

_You can run, but you can’t hide._

* * *

Seattle, Washington - Nikki’s hometown, though it was not exactly a place with fond memories. 

“I used to live with my grandparents in Idaho,” Nikki told her as he was getting ready. “I loved my Nona, but I was a troubled kid. They sent me here to live with my mother. It didn’t last very long.”

“Past is the past,” Nicole said. “Your home is in Van Nuys now.”

“Not mine,” he said. “Ours.” He gave her a kiss and said, “Don’t go anywhere. Tonight is going to be special.”

Special.

Nicole had an instinct on what he had in mind. She assumed that he is going pop the question after the concert. If so, she would say yes, would she? Looking at herself in the mirror, she had gained some weight and her health was much better; it was at least partially due to Nikki’s influence. Her dad had said that she was the one who kept Nikki in the right path. The truth was that Nikki was doing the same for her as well. 

Doug knocked on the door.

“Nikki needs you,” he said. “Come with me.”

Nicole followed him and found herself climbing up to the stage. She hesitated and stopped. 

“Go on,” Doug encouraged her. “They are your friends.”

“No, they are only in their underwear,” Nicole said.

Pulling herself together, she went on the stage.

“Come here girl.” Vince placed his arm around her and said to the audience, “I want you to meet somebody tonight, Seattle. This is Miss Nicole Ireland from LA. Everyone say ‘Hello!’”

“Hello!” The audience cheered.

Shyly, Nicole waved to the crowd.

“Now, her boyfriend is from Seattle, Washington,” Vince went on. “I gotta tell ya, he got something sleazy to play for her tonight.” He gave Nikki a wink and ran to the side. Nikki went on to play a bass solo. He kept on looking at Nicole, wanting her to come and dance with him. 

This was really not her thing. 

Her feet were glued on the spot.

Nikki stopped playing. He pressed his hands against his heart and rolled onto the stage floor, laying on his back. 

“Well, we got a brokenhearted bass player over here,” Vince said, sauntered to Nikki's side. “I’ve met him since 82. I have never seen him this happy since he met this girl from LA. Now the thing is, do we want to see Nikki happy?”

“Yes!” The audience shouted.

Nikki jumped back onto his feet and threw his thunderbird guitar aside. Vince gave her a shove and pushed her into his arms. The bass player kissed her on the lips, deep and hard. 

It was a long kiss too.

“Oh man,” Vince looked embarrassed. “I need you to do me a favor tonight, Seattle. I want you to say, ‘Get a fucking room Nikki!’”

“Get a fucking room Nikki!” The audience yelled.

Nikki pulled away from the kiss, though his arm was still around her waist. His eyes were locked on her as he reached into his pocket.

“Baby?” He looked at her, holding up a six carat pear shaped diamond engagement ring. 

Stunned, she opened her mouth but no voice came out.

Nikki waited for her answer.

It wasn't just him - his three band mates, Doug, the arena’s employees, and the entire audience - were waiting too.

Her eyes were wet with tears. 

After a long silence, she began to nod.

A nodding of yes. 

He slipped the ring onto her left hand and folded her in his arms. He buried his face in her hair.

Tommy stood and began to applaud. The audience followed.

“Looks like our bass player is getting hitched!” Vince said. 

* * *

Back in LA, Tom was speaking to a client on the phone when his secretary poked her head into his office.

“Mr. Ireland,” she said meekly. “Sorry to bother you sir, but you might want to check the news.”

“I’ll call you back,” Tom said to his client and hung up. He went to the reception area where the TV was on.

“The Motley Crue bass guitarist Nikki Sixx just proposed to his girlfriend Nicole Ireland last night in the middle of the band’s concert,” the newscast announced, featuring a picture of Nikki holding hands with Nicole. “Mary Smith joins us from Seattle. Mary?”

From Seattle, reporter Mary Smith spoke, “Last night, Motley Crue’s Nikki Sixx proposed to his girlfriend Nicole Ireland right here on stage in the Climate Pledge Arena. The audience and fans of the band said it was the most romantic thing they had ever seen.”

A young woman was wiping tears. “It was so sweet. I can't stop crying.”

An elderly couple sighed, “I wish them the best.”

A couple of teenagers gave a thumb up. “Go Nikki!”

Tom turned the TV off. He knew this was going to happen and he hated to be right.


	18. Home Sweet Home I

_ March 6, 1984 Detroit, Michigan _

Nicole sat on the hotel bed with her scrapbook. It had been a long day but it was all worth it. She and her father flew all the way from LA to Detroit to buy her very first car. After spending hours at the dealer’s, she picked a blue Porsche. She jumped up and down when the salesman handed her the key.

On a blank page, she taped the receipt of the coffee she bought that morning and a piece of the dealer’s flyer. Next to the flyer, she wrote down the date of the purchase. She even gave her car a name, Nelly. 

Suddenly, she heard a loud scream in the hallway. She got off the bed and opened the door to see what’s going on. She looked and quickly slammed the door shut.

There was a naked man running around with a black guitar, laughing like a madman. 

From the door’s peephole, she watched as he smashed his guitar against the wall. At age sixteen, it was the very first time she saw a naked man. She was not disgusted but rather besotted.

He got well formed butts and skinny legs. 

She continued to watch until the phone rang.

It was her father who called from his room.

“Go to bed and keep your door locked,” he said. “I’m calling the police.”

Nicole did what she was told, and soon, everything went quiet. 

Good, she thought. She and her father had planned to drive back to LA from Detroit in the new Porsche the next morning. The whole day by far had been a sweet dream.

Yet, the next morning, it turned into a nightmare.

Nelly, her brand new Porsche, was totaled. A television and a few pieces of furniture had fallen on it from stories above. She couldn’t stop screaming. The police came and asked them a few questions. Nicole demanded that they find the culprit who did this. She listed all the charges she wanted to press against him or her.

“Property damage, pain and suffering, manslaughter attempt in second degree,” she went on and on. 

“Honey, calm down,” her father stopped her. “Let the police do their job. They’ll find the person who did this. You are okay, and it was all what matters.”

“Whoever he is, he better not run into me,” Nicole said bitterly. “I’ll teach him the real meaning of pain!”

* * *

_ March 6, 1990 Bloomington, MI _

“Ouch! Ouch! Baby, enough!”

Nikki groaned in pain as Nicole pinched him in the cheek.

“Now you know it’s not a dream?” Nicole asked with annoyance. Since they were engaged, Nikki hardly slept. He held her into arms at night and mumbled, “I can’t fucking blieve this. This better not be a fucking dream.” He kissed the ring on her hand and said the same thing over and over again. 

At first, Nicole found it romantic. However, soon it became annoying because Nikki said it over and over again - every single night - to the point that she couldn’t sleep. She pinched his cheek, hard.

“If it is a dream, then it wouldn’t hurt,” she said. “But it does, doesn’t it? Now you know you are in the world of reality?”

She let go and he drew her back into his arms.

“Baby, have you picked a wedding designation yet?”

“Now?” She was thinking about a wedding after the tour is over.

“Check the itinerary,” he said. “You want to marry in the US, Australia, Japan, or Canada?”

“During this tour?”

“Baby, I don’t want to wait,” he said. “If there is a priest next door, I’ll marry you now.”

“Nikki, I’ve dreamed about my wedding since I was three,” Nicole said. “The dress, the setting, everything. I want my Dad to be there, walking me down the aisle.”

“You want a big wedding?”

“No,” Nicole replied.

“That’s a surprise,” Nikki said. “I thought her highness Princess Nicole of Conti would like a fairy tale wedding.”

“The real fairy tale is marrying the man I love,” Nicole said. “In real life, princesses marry in big weddings because their families like to show off their power and wealth. If they were to choose, they’d like a small wedding without all that attention.” She thought for a second and asked, “Tommy and Heather had a big wedding right?”

“I don’t remember,” Nikki said. “My head wasn’t clear on that day.”

She had seen the coverage in the newspaper. 

“Nikki, for our wedding, I really want a private one,” she said. “I want it to be about you and me. In Seattle, I sort of knew that you were going to pop the question. I just didn’t anticipate that you’d do it on stage.”

“Why, wasn’t it romantic?” He asked. “Everyone is wondering about us so I thought it’s time to make it official. I want the whole world to see that you are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. You are not just any girl. You are the soon-to-be Mrs. Nikki Sixx. I want the audience to love you like they love me.”

It was a touching moment for him when the audience showed their support and acceptance towards Nicole. His fans truly believed in him and wanted to see him happy. 

She rested her head against his chest. “Hawaii.”

“Hawaii would be a good choice,” he said.

“But not in Honolulu.”

* * *

The wedding date was set on May 25th on Molokai Island where tourism is the smallest in Hawaii. Unlike Tommy’s big 500 guest, publicized wedding, theirs was going to be a very private and small one. Nicole only wanted to include her father and Aunt Toni. Nikki, of course, wanted his band mates there. Aunt Toni, in turn, invited Doug as her date. Vince and Tommy were to bring their spouses too. Vince’s daughter Skylar wanted to be the flower girl very badly, according to Vince. Dave, the photographer who worked with Nicole, was hired to take wedding pictures.

And Nikki invited a friend, Gun N’ Roses guitarist Slash. 

The entire wedding was a secret.

After they headed back to LA, Nicole spent most of her time designing her dress with Aunt Toni. Time was limited since they barely had two weeks before leaving for Australia. She never liked these popular big puffy sleeves or the off-the-shoulder ones. She wanted a simple, sleek dress with a long train. She was decisive in her choice.

Watching her standing before the mirror in her dress, however, Aunt Toni sensed something is different. 

“Size two,” Nicole said, “I can still fit. I think I’ve gained enough weight as it is.”

“NiNi, if you don’t mind me asking, how is your period?” Aunt Toni asked.

“Same like before,” Nicole said. “Why, you think I’m pregnant?”

She took off the veil and sat with her aunt. 

“Your mother had you within a year after she married your father,” Aunt Toni said. “You look so much like her. She was only nineteen, and it was a shock.”

“Well, I’m not ready for a baby yet,” Nicole said. “Nikki had been using protection, except for once. Had I been pregnant then, the baby would’ve been a year old now. Plus, I had my period last week.” She looked at her engagement ring and said, “Soon, I will be Nicole Angelique Sixx.”

“Listen to me Nicole,” Aunt Toni held her hand. “You are very talented. I know Nikki loves you but don’t be his shadow. If anything happens, you can always come to me.”

“I don’t know what my talent is anymore,” Nicole confessed. “I thought I wanted to be a model, but I don’t want to go back to that. Nikki liked my voice but I have stage fright.”

“What about writing?” Aunt Toni reminded her. “I still have the poems you wrote for me years ago.”

“Maybe,” Nicole said. “I’ll think about it.”

When Aunt Toni said that Nicole’s mother’s death was a shock, it was more than an unexpected death from childbirth. Angelique met Tom when she was only sixteen; her father was Tom’s first client. Her parents never approved the relationship because Tom was more than a decade older. Angelique married Tom after she turned eighteen with her parents’ very reluctant approval. Just the day before Nicole’s birth, Angelique and her sister Toni were out shopping. Angelique was small and slender as she had always been. It was a huge shock to the entire family when they heard that Angelique went into labor the next day and had a little girl. Out of blue, she gave birth by herself in the bathtub. She used her remaining strength to call Tom, telling him “you have to come home.” Those were her last words.

* * *

While Nicole was with her Aunt Toni, Tom was having a talk with Nikki.

“You pulled quite a publicity stunt there, Nicholas,” he said, referring to the marriage proposal in Seattle.

“Get to the point,” Nikki said, lit a cigarette.

“You marry Nicole and you stay clean, Nicholas. Just know one thing, Nicole can walk if she wants to. If it happens, you can keep your property. Just pay the damn support.”

“You can tell that to my attorney,” Nikki said, giving him a love gesture. “See you at the wedding Thomas.”


	19. Home Sweet Home II

From Japan, they flew to Molokai Island to check out their wedding venue. The island was beautiful. Nicole loved every part of it. With her camera, she took picture after picture. Nikki had his love and expertise in photography too. He gave Nicole a couple of his insight.

“This place is a real paradise,” she remarked. “I love the sands.”

She emptied her plastic water bottle and knelt down to collect some sands. 

“Baby, don’t,” Nikki stopped her. He pointed to a sign that says taking sands, rocks, or plants from this island is not allowed. “Legend says that you will have bad luck if you take sands or rock from Hawaii until you return it.”

“We don’t want that,” Nicole said. “We had enough bad luck as it is.”

She threw the empty bottle away and said to Nikki, “Hey, if you don’t mind me asking, does your mother know about us?”

“No,” he said, putting on his shades. “She has no fucking right. She left me on my grandparent’s porch. I was only three.”

“I’m sorry,” Nicole said apologetically. “I didn’t know that.”

That was a mean thing for a mother to do.

“My Nona loved me,” he went on. “She always said that I am gifted. When she passed away, I couldn’t pay my final respect. I didn’t even go to her funeral because I was so fucking screwed up. Heroin had a pair of arms around me.”

“But you are not screwed up anymore,” she gave him a kiss. “I’m sure your Nona is watching you from above. She’s proud of you.”

“It’s a shame that she didn’t live to meet you,” Nikki said. “If she were alive, I’d take you to Idaho to meet her in a heartbeat.”

“I never met my mother,” Nicole said. “You know I met you at the same age my mother had me.”

“You’ll be alright,” Nikki said. “Like you said, Nona is watching over us.” He wrapped his arms around her. “Baby, I want to hear three words from you.”

“What is it?”

“What do you think?”

She thought for a moment and said, “ _Ich liebe dich_.”

“What?”

She pulled away from him and ran. Nikki chased after her and together, they fell onto the sands.

“I love you Nikki.”

He held her tightly against him. “Say it again.”

“I love you.” She said, feeling the butterflies in her stomach. 

* * *

_May 25, 1990_

It was nine days after the Motley Crue's performance in Tokyo and six days before their scheduled performance in Honolulu.

Tom and Aunt Toni flew from LA. Slash couldn’t make it but he sent his best wishes.

“That’s a shame,” Nicole told Nikki. “I would love to meet him.”

Tommy stood with Nikki as the best man. Vince, Mick, and Heather were there too. 

Sharise held Skylar’s hand as they walked down the aisle. Skylar held a basket of flowers and petals. 

“Baby, you are supposed to scatter the flowers around,” Vince said.

Skylar turned the basket upside down and dumped all the flowers at her feet.

“Doesn’t she take after Vince?” Tommy whispered to Nikki.

Then came Aunt Toni on Doug’s arm.

“Nicole is beautiful,” Doug said to Aunt Toni. “Like you.”

“Nice try,” Aunt Toni replied.

Finally, Nicole walked down the aisle on her father’s arm. She was in a sleek, satin dress with a long train. She styled her hair like Empress Sissi's in that iconic Franz Xavier Winterhalter portrait with crystal flowers pinned in her braids. She wore a cathedral veil that was even longer than her train. 

“Walk faster!” Skylar yelled. 

Indeed, Tom walked as slowly as he could, as if he were to sacrifice his daughter to a monster. When they arrived at the altar, he refused to let go of her hand.

“Dad,” Nicole patted his arm.

Tom hugged his daughter, and with some reluctance, he let her go. Nicole handed her bouquet to Aunt Toni and joined hands with Nikki.

“Friends and family,” the priest spoke. “We’re gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of two very special people, Nikki Sixx and Nicole Ireland. Two people destined for each other. May the happiness we share with them today be with them always. Now Nicole, repeat after me, I, Nicole.”

“I, Nicole.” 

“Take thee Nikki as my lawfully wedded husband in sickness and in health till death do us apart.” 

“Take thee Nikki as my lawfully wedded husband in sickness and in _health_ till death do us apart,” she said. She emphasized the word ‘health’ given that both of them had their brush with death. 

The priest then turned to Nikki. “Now, Nikki, repeat after me, I Nikki.”

“I, Nikki.”

“Take thee Nicole as my lawfully wedded wife in sickness and in health till death do us apart.” 

“Take thee Nicole as my lawfully wedded wife in sickness and in health, this life and the next.”

He lifted her veil and kissed her on the lips.

“You may kiss the bride,” the priest said quickly, then realized that he was completely out of order. “And I declare you husband and wife.”

“Rings?” Aunt Toni and Tommy asked out loud in unison. 

Still kissing Nicole, Nikki reached out behind him and Tommy handed him the ring. He pulled away from the kiss and slipped the ring on her finger. Nicole took the ring from Aunt Toni and placed it on his hand. Nikki kissed her again.

“Fuck yeah! Mr. and Mrs. Nikki Sixx!” Tom yelled.

Everyone applauded, including Tom. Cheering, Vince, Mick, and Tommy made love gestures. Doug was very moved too. All Motley Crue members got clean and were settled in a relationship. Career, family, and health - what more could a man ask for?

* * *

_August 6, 1990_

The tour was finally over.

The group headed back to LA on a plane. 

Everyone was burned out, including Nicole.

In his notebook, Nikki wrote down all the titles of their top hits. This tour was a mass success, but what’s next? He needed a break, but competitors are out there. What if they were to compile their top hit songs into one album? That would give the band some time to rest and not let America forget them. It’d be a gift to their fans too.

He wanted to go home to Van Nuys badly. In the past, he lived in his big mansion alone, where he spent most of his time in his closet. Loneliness and heroin were driving him insane. His only friend was his diary. 

But not anymore.

Next to him, Nicole was wrapped in a blanket, sleeping. He snaked his arm around her and had her leaned against him. She stirred and wrapped the blanket tighter around her.

“There’s some Tylenols in my purse,” She mumbled, barely opening her eyes. “Can you grab it for me?”

“You’re alright baby?” He asked gently, handing her the pill bottle. 

“I’m fine,” she replied. “I’m having cramps, that’s all.” 

Two pills down her throat. She closed her eyes and asked, “What time are we landing?”

Checking his watch, Nikki replied, “In about an hour.”

She had cramps before, usually before her period starts. But this cramp was the worst one she ever had. It did go away for a while, but came back with a vengeance. Each time it came back, it became worse and more intense. Soon, she was sweating bullets. 

“Nikki,” she said. “I’m not well. I need to go to a hospital.”

“Baby what is it?”

“It hurts like hell, my stomach.” She bit on the blanket to prevent herself from crying out.

“I think it’s appendicitis,” Vince said. “It happened to Sharise. Don’t worry, just go to a hospital. You’ll be fine.”

“Hang in there, baby,” Nikki said, holding her in his arms. “We are landing soon.”

He hummed “Home Sweet Home” in her ear.

“Nikki,” she said to him quietly. “Don’t panic.”

She showed him her hand. 

Her fingers were stained with blood.

* * *

In an ambulance, Nicole screamed in pain. 

“Shh, baby, look at me,” Nikki comforted her. “You will be okay. Nona is watching over us, remember?”

A middle-aged female paramedic looked in between her legs. “I want you to listen to me,” she said to Nicole. “What does your body want you to do?”

“There’s something inside,” she cried. “I need to push it out.”

“Then push it out,” the paramedic said. 

She pushed and the pain only intensified; yet it seemed like the only way to go. She pushed again and again, until she heard a cry.

The cry wasn’t hers.

The paramedic held up a baby. A boy, covered in fluid with an umbilical cord attached.

Nikki was speechless.

* * *

In the hospital room, Nikki couldn’t keep his eyes off his newborn son. Nicole was resting in bed. She and the baby were examined and fortunately, both were healthy and fine. The baby weighed about seven pounds. The doctor had explained that while it is extremely rare, it did happen to other women. Highly likely the placenta was in the front, which explained why Nicole never felt the baby kicking. Counting the days, the baby was conceived in December. 

Oh yes, December 20th, the day he took Nicole home. When he and Nicole made love in his Ferrari, they were so in the moment that he forgot to use protection. Tom interrupted them too late.

_Fuck you Thomas._

He used his mobile phone and called Tommy. 

“Hey T-bone,” he said. “I won’t be back at the studio any time soon. No, Nicole is fine. It’s not appendicitis. She had a baby…I know it’s crazy...all this time...It’s a boy and I’ll tell you all about it. Okay, cool. Thanks man.”

He hung up and saw his son looking at him. He had his green eyes.

“That’s your uncle Tommy. He made many bad choices,” he said, picking up his son. “You gave your dad a big scare. Don’t ever do that again.”

He will give this child the best life and protect him from all harms. He will never abandon him or let him feel unloved. He will not miss his first word or first walk. 

“Gunner Nicholas Sixx,” Nicole muttered, recalling that strange dream of hers.

Nikki raised an eyebrow but then nodded. “Yeah, Gunner is a fitting name for this little guy.” Kissing his son tenderly, he said, “We are going home, Gunner. Home in Van Nuys.”

 _Thank you Nona,_ he said to himself quietly. _Life is beautiful._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Dirt: 10 things you don’t know about novelist and TV producer Nicole Ireland Sixx.
> 
> 1) Her novel “Diary of a Skinny Girl” was based on her struggle with anorexia and backlash she received for being ‘too thin.’ “Society is just mean,” she said in an interview. “You are either too fat or too thin.” Her novel was adapted into an animated series, which won an Emmy Award. 
> 
> 2) Her next series “Suddenly Royal” was based on her family history and her marriage to Nikki Sixx. This was published under a pen name, Angelica Conti. 
> 
> 3) Both "Diary of a Skinny Girl" and "Suddenly Royal" were debuted top 10 of the New York Best Seller list. 
> 
> 4) She had two cryptic pregnancies. She had her first child, Gunner Nicholas Sixx in 1990 after Dr. Feelgood Tour ended. That was a total surprise. It happened again in 1994, when she had her second son.
> 
> 5) She was married three times - all to the same man, Nikki Sixx. They were married in 1990 in Hawaii, and divorced in November 1996 but married again one month later. The two split up for the second time in 2006, but reconciled in 2010 and married for the third time in 2015.
> 
> 6) She had an adopted daughter, Wednesday Antoinette Ireland, after her split from Sixx. She did not name her daughter after Wednesday Addams.
> 
> 7) She was close to Tommy Lee. The two had always been on good terms. They formed a genuine, deep friendship after Tommy's divorce from Pamela Anderson. At one point, there were rumors that the two eloped and married in Vegas - that was a total lie.
> 
> 8) She couldn't stand Vince Neil. It was said that she called Vince the "Achilles's Heel" of the band. 
> 
> 9) She had a near-fatal accident in 2010 thanks to a driver who was texting-and-drive. Nikki supported her throughout her recovery process. In 2015, the two tied the knot for the third time. 
> 
> 10) She was not featured in the film “The Dirt”. This was done at her very own request for the sake of privacy. 
> 
> I met Nicole at the “Girls, Girls, Girls” photoshoot. She was in this beautiful black dress and I was like, “I’m done.” She is my soulmate, the one and only Mrs. Nikki Sixx. I have always loved her and will never stop until the day I die. - Nikki Sixx, "The Dirt"


End file.
